I was thinking a bit more about yesterday’s topic and about mothers who don’t leave their addiction even during pregnancy. It makes me wonder whether it was an accident and they didn’t really want to be pregnant or if they wanted to become mothers. If they wanted to become pregnant and had planned the pregnancy, it seems their wish for cigarettes or alcohol is stronger than their wish for a healthy child.
Where does the wish to have a child come from? Is it a natural urge for reproduction that all animals on this planet have? The urge to have offspring in order to secure the survival of your race, of human beings? Do you want to have a child so that you have someone who will give you love? Or is it the love in your heart that you want to give to a child?
The first reason to have a child is the natural urge for reproduction. This is something that all creatures on this world have and they create the next generation without even thinking about it. It is their purpose of life. As humans, we also can have this urge to reproduce but we also have the possibility to think about the consequences and even decide against it. We can see that it is not absolutely necessary for every single one of us to have children so that humanity will survive. This urge alone is thus not a very good reason for you to have children.
The second reason I mentioned for having children is because you want to have someone who will love you, maybe because you are lacking love in your life. Of course, your child has no other choice than to love you. It would fulfill its purpose. But you would be using a child for your own purpose if this is truly the only reason for you to have a child. In such situations mothers are often even not really able to provide the child a good atmosphere for growing up because there are no loving people around and the mother herself is lacking love. Such a child has no possibility to learn how to love.
It is a very egoistic reason to have children. Having a child is not a solution if you miss love in your life. A child should never be a substitute for anything. What do you think how long you will receive this love? As a baby or little child, it will work. Your child will grow up though and if you don’t develop true love in that time, your child will also notice that you only used it for fulfilling this need. Your child will never have received love from you, so how would your child give love to anyone else? How would it give love to you? It has not received love from you and thus cannot spare any of its own love to give to you. Your child never learned to love because you couldn’t teach it! You first need to find love in yourself and for yourself. Then you will find lovely people in your surroundings who love you and whom you can give love, too. And in the end you can give love to another human being that came freshly into this world.
This, in my opinion is the only good reason for the wish to have a child: because you have love in your heart and you want to share it with a child. You want to give a child the happiness that you feel when you are loved and when you can love someone. This reason is free of ego, it is not only a natural and animalistic urge to reproduce but the honest wish to share love. In this way a child can grow up with the love of the parents and the child can learn how it is to love and be loved.
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I think a lot of people do it merely because society expects it of them. Without thinking deeper. They think it is the icing on the cake of their relationship, to become a family. Around a third of pregnancies are unplanned, so I think alcohol also plays a part. Some do it because they think that way there will be someone to look after them when they are older. Very few people would think as selflessly as your article. World overpopulation is the “elephant” in the room that nobody wants to discuss, as it impinges on personal freedoms.
Very good points that you make there. Of course society plays a very big role. In India this is very clear, it is like a plan for life. You marry and have children. It is not necessary for everybody though! And nobody considers overpopulation when it comes to their personal decisions. I just hope more and more people get aware that the reason to have a child should be just love.
I agree that a lot more consideration and planning should go into decisions of whether to be a parent than is usually the case. Many people make the decision to do this automatically, just assuming that it has to be part of life. I think like many material things pursued, it’s often done out of feelings that an inner emptiness or feelings of lack has to be filled, and children are one of ways people try to fill these feelings of lack with. I think if more people knew of higher goals to strive for than merely reproducing and other such basic bodily things, many would see that they can do more meaningful things with their energies than having children. Of course I know being a parent can be a great and love filled thing, and a very worthy thing to do. But I just think that many make this choice without adequate consideration and reflection.
This is an important topic. There are so many children in the world who are neglected, abandoned, or given up for adoption. Other children are raised by parents with emptiness and carelessness. People should really think about why they want to have children. They shouldn’t just do it because it is expected in society. They should desire to provide love and growth for humanity. They should wish that their child some day makes the world a better place.
The decision of having a child should always be free and not connected to any kind of pressure. Be it pressure from your partner, your family or society. There is no need of being in a hurry. Only after you feel ready and feel this deep wish of having a child in your heart, then you can start to think about it. A child can feel if it is wanted or not.