What if your Wish to have your own Child is not fulfilled? – 3 Aug 11


I yesterday wrote that the wish to have a child should come from the wish to give love to a child, to share the love that you have in your heart with a child. If this is the reason, you anyway already give love to every child close to you. Every child is same and when you have this wish to give love to children, you should share your love with every child, no matter if it is yours or the child of someone else.

With my counseling work I often get questions by people who want to have a child and who are trying hard to have one. They don’t succeed because of different reasons. That could be physical reasons, such as problems with the ovary or sperm, or also starting a relationship late, when the chances of getting a healthy child are being reduced. I have met many couples who take a lot of pressure because of this. They get very stressed and the more stressed they are, the more difficult it gets for them to conceive.

Often there are medical possibilities that can help there, an IVF for example, but sometimes not. I see couples who try a lot with these modern, advanced and expensive techniques but sometimes it just doesn’t work and they get more and more tense and stressed. I am happy that there are these medical techniques that can bring happiness to many parents who would not have been able to enjoy having a child without them. It is wonderful that medicine can do so much for them. I also see however that there are couples who suffer from getting this hope and then are again and again disappointed. They go through enourmous physical and mental pain.

To all these couples, I always tell them not to take so much stress. You have the wish to give love to a child? Do it. All children are the same and you can support them and give them love! You can love children, no matter where they are and who their parents are. To sponsor a child is for example one option to support children and give them love.

I know however that this is not the same for many people and they want to do more than just to support children and send their love in this way. They want to hug the child and have the physical closeness and contact. In those cases, why don’t you think of adoption? I can understand that it can be difficult if you had the wish to give birth to realize that it is not possible. I have heard people say however that they want to have a child which carries their genes. This I don’t think is really important. If you want to give love to a child, it doesn’t matter whose genes it has. If you focus on having ‘your own’ child, it sounds to me as if you would own your child then. You think ‘I made him/her’. Leave this ego, it is not about you, it is about your love to children!

You can feel close to children, if you are not physical parents, too. There are so many children who did not receive love by their parents or who don’t even have parents anymore. They are sitting in orphanages and would be happy about the love that you could give them! You can help, you can be close to these children and you can give them love they need!

7 Replies to “What if your Wish to have your own Child is not fulfilled? – 3 Aug 11”

  1. Thank you Ana and Cristobal. If you wish to support these children, there is the possibility to sponsor them here:Sponsor a Child
    With adoption we unfortunately cannot help, nearly all of the children at our school live with their families. They are poor, so they cannot pay school fees but we are happy to have them at our school for free.
    Much love

  2. My grandfather hasn`t been my grandfather by blood but he raised his son, my father, as his own child. Sadly he died when I was only two years old but what he teached my father still lives in me. So I see myself as his real grandchild and didn`t have a interest to find out who my real grandfather was. I think this is a good example to show that famalies are not made out of geens.


  3. I really think that if some people find it difficult to conceive children, they should just accept this as the course of nature and decide to do other things. Maybe it’s a message from nature that it’s time to learn about other goals in life to have. As you say, if they really want to be a parent so much, they can adopt too. But sometimes we can’t have everything we may dream about. I may like the idea of being an athlete, but if I don’t quite have the body for that this time around, does that mean I should search for artificial ways to change my body, and start taking anabolic steroids for example? I don’t think so. The wise course of action is to accept that this time around in life, if I don’t have certain capacities, I should find other goals to focus on. There are very many worthy things to do in life besides parenting.

  4. Thank you Deniz, completely agree with you. There can be so many things in life to focus on but many times I see some people suffering and struggling with this wish. Wish they can find other goals and ways.

  5. It can be very difficult to accept our given destiny, especially if it goes against our plans. Such as when two people want to be parents… sometimes it is not in their destiny to conceive, which is extremely disappointing and hard to accept. But it’s best to look on the bright side and make the best of the situation. Adoption can bring an enormous amount of love into both the child and the parents’ lives… we don’t always know what God has intended for us… but we have to be open to finding out.

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