We were talking about the topic of yesterday's diary and Peter said that boy whom we had seen smoking yesterday had Carolin's age, only eleven years. And he said another true thing: there are teenagers who are sitting there, smoking and drinking and if you see their parents you will see that they, too, smoke and drink.
The children just do what they see at home. They want to be adult, they want to be grown-up and so they imitate their parents. The parents have to be an ideal, have to be a good example and have to show what is right or wrong to their children. Being an example for someone gives a lot of responsibility. When a boy sees at home that the father invites friends each weekend and together they drink a crate of beer then he will want to do the same with his friends because this is what adults do in his eyes.
However he cannot know how much his body can take. Even if the parents are drinking one glass of wine after dinner they have to realize that their children, who are watching this each day, might not be able to distinguish between one glass and one bottle. As a father or as a mother you have to take the responsibility of giving your child a good example.
There has to be a moral concept and the parents have to convey certain values but at the same time they need to have moral strength to stick to these values. It will be of no use to tell your twelve-year-old child that alcohol and cigarettes are bad if he or she knows that you are smoking one packet of cigarettes each day. Unfortunately the surroundings are displaying cigarettes and alcohol as something 'cool' and mature. However we need to give a guideline and a good example to our young people.
This is also my idea and I have the dream to see centers all over the world that also provide a place for teenagers and youngsters to be in a loving surrounding without alcohol, cigarettes or drugs.
In India I am also helping children but there, the problems are different. There is not enough money to buy food and to finance the education of children whereas here seems to be too much money. Food is thrown away and children have the money to buy cigarettes. I support children in India with their problems and I want to support young people here, too. I want to offer them an environment where they can be themselves, get some good influence and maybe learn a little bit of Ayurveda, Yoga or whatever they are interested in. This is my idea and my dream for the young people here.
Now we will have dinner and after that we will have Darshan. There will be some people who had been to healing sessions already, others whom I know from programs in other cities and probably also some new faces. It is always a nice mixture of energy when there are some who are looking forward to this energy which they enjoyed the last time and some who are exited about how it is going to be.
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Let your Children make their own Mistakes – it helps them develop their potential! – 29 Sep 16
Daycare Center for your Child – and what is left for you? – 28 Sep 16
Don’t try to be a perfect Parent – 25 Feb 16
Parents: ignore judging Looks or Comments – you know your Child best! – 23 Feb 16
Don’t lie to your Child – here is why! – 15 Feb 16
How to treat other Children in front of yours – 18 Aug 15
How constant Guidance can hinder the Development of your Child – 11 Aug 15
Parenting Fun: having Difficulties, overcoming them and facing them again! – 22 Apr 15
living in an environment where a lot of the work you do is with children who have problems because of lack of money, it must be hard to see children with problems of having too much- money gets tossed around. Maybe you are used to it now and so you see that people are just products of their surroundings, but I am curious about what you first thought when you went to a place where there was an overabundance.
In many schools in the west if a teenager doesn’t smoke and drink they are tormented by their peers. If they do smoke and drink their parents are very angry with them. Many times very strict parents have the most radical children. There is so much pain in the opposing pressures that children choose to be destructive.
Children are strongly effected by the consciousness or unconsciousness around them. If parents set down firm boundaries and they do it filled with fear or foolishness a child will sense that something is not quiet right “here” and they may loose respect for their parents. If a parent sets firm boundaries with compassion and patience a child will listen. And still a child cannot be controlled. There is no definite way to predict the outcome of your parenting.
I learn a lot from my children and they learn a lot from me. I like to think we find our way through life together. There openness helps me see how unimportant so many of my concerns are. And sometimes, having little experience, they simply don’t know what to do in tough situations. We have a tradition in our house. When someone feels sad, or afraid, angry or embarrassed, or anything else like that we go sit at the dinner table together and we draw and talk about our feelings. A physical visualization of a bad emotional experience seems to really help my kids express themselves and to not be so afraid of being upset. I am finding more and more that it helps me as well.
I just don’t understand parents who think they can be horrible and still demand their kids not follow in their footsteps.
If a parent is imbalanced and trying to fill a hole in their lives through smoking or drinking or eating food that is bad for their bodies the children not only mirror this behaviour but they also sense the deficit- the void the parents is trying to fill will be evident to the child. It is important to heal yourself so you can present a way to a better life for your children.
This is a wonderful idea. Teens in the West need help as they grow. Life seems so difficult and confusing in those times. Every kid just needs someone to talk to, a place to feel love and acceptance, and a way to feel good about themselves. These centers would be really amazing for kids and teens everywhere. I hope these centers become realized… I’d love to help the movement!
Children do not only learn by doing, but also by seing. And what do they see and get to know at first? Their parents! So how can they learn (for example) that conflicts, fighting, smoking or drinking is bad, when their own parents don’t show them anything else? From whom should they learn?