A short while ago I have written about parents who don’t have time for their children. In that time I was mainly writing about those who believe they need more luxury than they already have and who think that they need to work longer and more for that. This results in the baby staying in a crèche, with a nanny or with a babysitter. I expressed my compassion for those mothers who are in such kind of situation that they don’t have any other choice than leaving their child with strangers.
Having said that however, I need to add that I thought even a bit deeper. Many places of the world miss the social structures that are necessary to give support to new parents. People don’t live in big families but often far away from any relative who could give them the help that they really need. They are alone and this makes it very difficult for them. They want to and have to be there with their child at all times that wants and needs their attention and at the same time do their normal work – even if they stay at home there are things to do.
I feel it would be really good for many women and parents in the west if they had the support that people mostly have here in bigger families. Then they would not have to give their beloved babies in the hands of strangers and pay money for it. They would have help and support within a loving family.
Unfortunately the same thing is happening in many places in India, too. Following western culture in many ways and getting into this competitive and busy lifestyle in which many values get lost, a lot of parents especially in big cities also live far away from their families, have to work to afford their expensive flats or houses and in the end have to search for a person from outside or one of them has to decide to stay at home and take care of the child fully on his own.
I can see now how valuable the support of my family is. Here at the Ashram where we live in a big family, there are older people who know what is normal in the baby’s looks and behavior and even when our little girl has a bit of a cold like now, my mother knows some home remedies how to help. There is always someone to cuddle her, hold her and talk to her. The biggest help is of course that they can take care of her with much love and we can lie down for some time while knowing that she is safe and in loving hands.
It can be great, when you are tired and exhausted, that someone is there to help you and just look after your little one while you sleep a while. There is someone to hold the fresh diaper ready while you wipe your little Angel clean. There is someone to rock the baby when you have been walking what feels like miles with her and she still is not satisfied. Someone with another pair of hands. Not for taking the responsibility off your shoulders – because you took it yourself and should fulfill it with joy. Only to have a little bit of support. I am thankful to have a lot of this support and for the many people who don’t see this as a work they do to help me but as something they do to enjoy themselves! They love the baby and by giving my daughter to them I know I make them happy and my baby as well!
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I would have loved to have the support of family! It is incredible how much a woman alone has to do in the west what is done in the family, shared by four or five women, in other countries! We claim to be further progressed, civilized and what not but this we don’t see???
I love seeing all the people in your Ashram are just like a really big family, helping each other, work in a way only a family can work together. Having a baby means a lot of work and its really nice to have people to help you with all the responsibilities, to give you advise when you dont know what to do or to take the baby for a while when you have work to do or need some rest.
I would be very happy when more families in the western culture could grow their children like this. But unfortunately it is not always possible. Last week I had a discussion in University and the professor said that we have to choose between career and family. You can´t have both in our culture. I think thats right. You cant be really succesful in your job, work long hours and care for children at the same time. They deserve better than that!