Don’t remind your Children how much you did for raising them – 20 Feb 12

Our little Apara is slowly growing and every day we have the feeling that she learns something new. We all love watching her sleep but of course it is even greater when she is awake, looks around, takes in her surroundings and listens to what you say. And of course we change her diapers, Ramona feeds her, we talk and sing to her when she wants to be entertained and rock her to sleep when she is tired.

With all those things we are doing, I recently had to think of something that I heard many parents say to their teenage children: ‘Think of how much I did for you!’ Followed by ‘I carried you in my belly for nine months’ or ‘We stayed up the whole night when you were crying’ and similar statements, all telling how much the parents cared and how much they did for their children. I actually don’t think it is just or fair to say this to your children and I will never feel this way.

When a child hears this kind of thing from his parents, what should he feel about it? Do I have to pay you back? What can I do to get out of this debt? Do I have to feel guilty for something that I couldn’t do anything about?

I feel it is wrong because they did not ask you to bring them into this world! What you did is nothing special. Everybody takes care of their children, even animals do! But you had a baby because you wanted to have one. The baby did not ask you!

Of course being a parent includes doing a lot. You have responsibility and of course you take your children to the doctor when they are ill, you buy new clothes, you send them to school and buy books, you play with them and you cook for them, you wash their clothes and you wash them.

I believe it is not fair to put this burden on your child’s shoulders. It is too much for a child to carry. It is true, you do everything to make your child happy. But you had a baby for your own happiness in the first place!

So remember how much pleasure you had and still have with your children. We are happy when they smile, when we feed them, when we put them to sleep and simply when we take care of them. Don’t remind your child of your efforts – think of your own parents and what you would have felt if they had said this to you. Just enjoy being with your children!

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