Our little Apara is slowly growing and every day we have the feeling that she learns something new. We all love watching her sleep but of course it is even greater when she is awake, looks around, takes in her surroundings and listens to what you say. And of course we change her diapers, Ramona feeds her, we talk and sing to her when she wants to be entertained and rock her to sleep when she is tired.
With all those things we are doing, I recently had to think of something that I heard many parents say to their teenage children: ‘Think of how much I did for you!’ Followed by ‘I carried you in my belly for nine months’ or ‘We stayed up the whole night when you were crying’ and similar statements, all telling how much the parents cared and how much they did for their children. I actually don’t think it is just or fair to say this to your children and I will never feel this way.
When a child hears this kind of thing from his parents, what should he feel about it? Do I have to pay you back? What can I do to get out of this debt? Do I have to feel guilty for something that I couldn’t do anything about?
I feel it is wrong because they did not ask you to bring them into this world! What you did is nothing special. Everybody takes care of their children, even animals do! But you had a baby because you wanted to have one. The baby did not ask you!
Of course being a parent includes doing a lot. You have responsibility and of course you take your children to the doctor when they are ill, you buy new clothes, you send them to school and buy books, you play with them and you cook for them, you wash their clothes and you wash them.
I believe it is not fair to put this burden on your child’s shoulders. It is too much for a child to carry. It is true, you do everything to make your child happy. But you had a baby for your own happiness in the first place!
So remember how much pleasure you had and still have with your children. We are happy when they smile, when we feed them, when we put them to sleep and simply when we take care of them. Don’t remind your child of your efforts – think of your own parents and what you would have felt if they had said this to you. Just enjoy being with your children!
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Saying that to your children will influence them in that way that its hard for them taking free decision for their own. Their always stays the guilt that you should do what your parents expect from you as they did so much for you earlier. So its just not right to say that.
Anyway parents would also like their children t care for them when they are old and need help because they can´t do all the things on their own anymore.
Parents chose to have children and therefore chose to have to look after them too! In return they get all the joys of having their own little miracle in this world. It is their own choice.
There is no debt. Only love. Love that will mean the children will later look after their old parents.This circle of love and life is what children bring to the world.