Our little Apara is now 17 days old and I realize every day that I have never been this happy in my life. I have always been a very happy person and I was of course many times very happy before, too, but I have never experienced this state of happiness that I have been in since my baby girl is here. We spend lots of time with her, carrying her around, holding her, changing her diapers and more. I am at the same time very happy about my work and that both, Ramona and I, are able to be with our daughter a lot. I have decided to stop travelling for work and to devote my time to my daughter. We still work at the computer and people come to the Ashram for retreats but I stopped the work that I was doing abroad – giving workshops, seminars and individual sessions.
I know that these days there is a lot of pressure on everybody to work and earn money. It is a time when there is competition everywhere and of course everyone has the wish to live in a better way than he does now and want to have some more luxury. This often lets both partners work a lot. When they decide to have a child, the mothers often don’t wait long but join their work again quite quickly. What does this mean for the children though?
In the hospital where we had the delivery of our baby, there was a young female doctor who told us that she had had her baby just five months ago. I saw her at the hospital from morning to evening which made me wonder about her child. I understand that she might need her work to earn money for her family. Maybe she is the main breadwinner for her family and has no chance to stop working. At that point I asked myself why did she decide to have a child?
If you have absolutely no time for your child, why do you decide to become parents? I imagine that this doctor pumps out her breast milk in the morning and gives it to a woman, a stranger, who takes care of her child while she is working. Maybe she feeds formula because the milk was not enough in this way.
In the west I have seen crèches where mothers can put their very small children if they don’t have time to take care of them themselves. I have travelled in the west and I have seen closely how this situation is and how many children actually grow up with someone else than their own parents or family. Without the concept of living with your relatives, this is what parents choose to do with their children.
In my opinion someone who has no time to take care of his children is not qualified to be a parent. I know that most people have the wish and feeling that they want to be a parent and have a baby. You need to realize however that only the fact that you are biologically able to have a child does not make you ready for it. You are responsible for bringing a human being to this earth who is completely dependent on you. Can you take out time for this child? If you cannot, please decide not to have a child. Only if you are ready to give 100% of what you have to this small baby, you should have one.
In my opinion you are not qualified to have a baby if you cannot give time and love to that little being. I know many people might not agree with my strong opinion and thinking but this is what I believe. Why did you decide to have a baby at all? If you have a baby, nothing can be more important than feeding your baby and taking care of it. Not work and nothing else. There is nothing more important than giving love to your baby. In this way I have always had disagreements with western culture and could never accept the widespread way of raising children there.
Of course children are able to grow up even without their parents. Orphans also become adults but if you have the chance to raise your baby yourself, why do you take away these precious moments from yourself and from the baby? I feel sorry for everyone who cannot have this time of happiness that I experience these days.
Together with us, another person is enjoying time with Apara: Ramona’s father, Apara’s German grandfather is here this week. If you had a look into the Ashram these days, you could see him holding his granddaughter who loves to sleep in his arms.
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I agree with all my heart……………..
I am so happy for you, such a wonderful time when a new life comes into the world. God Bless her.
Here in Germany, it’s complicated. Becoming parents is a major reason for falling into poverty (poverty by Germans standards, of course). If you rely on two incomes, you’ll have to look for a possibility to give your child for half or full day into child care. The problem: there is no affordable child care for babies. Not even a public organized care, not to think of private care. So many women, especially the well educated, don’t become mothers. Apart from many other reasons they have to loose a lot in the material life, if they stay at home for a child: more costs, less income for their family. So, if there is a care or other support, to return to work after a couple of weeks, it is very helping and important for women to make an independent choice for connecting the foundation of a family with the need (and will, after a long and profound education) to stay in your job/career. And Swami Ji Balendu, there is no large family here that helps. All these points leed to the fact, that women decide to not have a baby at all (or just one) and our (German) population will decrease dramatically in this century!
Babies and children are such beautiful creature, they bring light into our lives. I agree that if you haven’t got time to care for and spend time with a baby then you should not have one.