Day before yesterday I said you should not tell your child that you did so much for them, it will make them feel guilty for something they are not responsible for. There is another thing that i believe is not good to tell to your children. I have heard from children – often already adults – that their parents told them they actually had not wanted to conceive them. Parents also tell me that they did not want to have a child but accidentally it happened and they told this to their children.
It does not matter whether it is another child or the first child, if you did not want to have a child but by accident you conceived nevertheless, I think you should not let your child know about it. What did you do? Did you really get a baby although you absolutely did not want to? I don’t think so, otherwise you would probably have made a decision to end the pregnancy – whatever your opinion is about that. You decided however for life. You decided to nurture the little being and become parents.
You anyway decided already that you cannot or will not change the fact that you are a parent. You spent nine months of pregnancy, you gave birth and you raised your child. You cannot make this decision undone by talking about it. Do you actually want to make it undone? Have you not have uncountable hours of happiness and complete love with your child? Were you not laughing with your little one, hugging, playing and running? No, you actually don’t regret that you decided to have this child. So why do you even tell him or her about it?
A baby is born and the first thing that parents try to give the baby is the feeling of being loved. The feeling that there is always someone there, no matter when or where. You continue giving your child this feeling when he or she gets bigger. You assure your small one through your actions that he or she is indeed wanted in your life, in your heart and in your arms.
Now your child is old enough to talk to you and to understand what you are saying when you say ‘You were an accident!’ Tell me, why do you all of a sudden break this trust which you have installed through all those years? Your child, no matter what age he is of now, be that a teenager or an adult, will be shaken at first and will carry this in his heart forever. This is an injury that cannot be cured for the rest of his life.
Before you make any such statement, think twice about it. Why would you do this to your child? You do love your child, so why do you tell him that there was some day when you were not sure that you would? Why do you still stick to the past and those moments which are now years ago? It may have been a great shock for you to get to know about your pregnancy, but your shock does not justify giving your child this feeling!
You are the one who brought your daughters and sons to this world and you need to take care of their feelings. It does not make you look greater or better that you loved your child even though you did not want one. No, you made the decision and there is no sense in telling your child about the feelings of those days. Don’t break the trust and save the beautiful memories that your child has of his childhood.
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Dear, Swami Ji. I couldnt have said it better myself. To hear this from your own parents hurts so much and it never really goes a way. Parents telling their children this will influence their selfesteem and behaviour in so many ways. The children will always have the feeling that they have to fight for the love of their parents, to not cause troubles as the parents had the trouble having you even if they dont wanted you in the first place.
Many of the best things in this life were ‘accidents’ such as penicillin, corn flakes and my mum. I for one, would not swap these for ‘planned’ things. sometimes accidents are the best things that happen.
How can a mother or father say somthing like this? Even if you think so, you should be wise enough to know about the bad effects when a child thinks, that it is not loved. Sure, kids can be stressfull sometimes, but it was your choice and your decision to give life to this human being. Even if you think that you have to pretend feelings, do it!
The poor child who was told those things since they were small. I agree they should have been told those things regardless if it’s true or not, it’s wrong! That child will grow up with guilt, a low self-esteem and anger to name a few issues. Wouldn’t you want the child to grow up happy and full of possibility and yearning to learn?