I already started telling you about the non-violent education which we are not only promoting but living by example in our Ashram. Even though many people seem to understand from their hearts that it would be good not to hit their children, we again and again encounter one reply of Indian parents: ‘But you need to hit your children, without that they won’t listen at all!’ I am convinced of the opposite and even if you decide not to believe me, I have lots of proof for my point of view.
The main proof is already in the situation that we see in the homes of those who say such things. I sit together with a friend and we are talking. His six-year-old son jumps around in the room. His father tells him not to, he would like to talk in peace with me. The boy doesn’t listen. On the contrary, he turns on the TV on a volume that makes it impossible for us to understand each other’s words. My friend takes me by the arm, leading me into the next room. He looks at me and says ‘You see, if you don’t hit them, they don’t listen!’
You just said the exact opposite of what is really happening. I know you hit your child. I have seen it with my own eyes and that gives me the proof to say: If you hit your children, you will lose control. They won’t listen to you anymore after reaching a certain age.
We have so many more examples for this, just with children at the Ashram. Staff members brought their children along to work. They were in between eight to ten years old – and they were just out of control! The whole day long they were fighting, hitting each other and also getting violent with the children who lived with us! They obviously displayed the violence that they had been subjected to their whole lives long!
We could not cope with that and had to tell some parents already to keep their children at home because our kids got hurt!
Those who have been with us since they were small however show a very different behavior! They feel great here, they listen to what we say and yes, I can proudly say that they behave well!
When these boys, who feel at home at the Ashram, hear from their school friends how they get beaten at home, they feel pity for their friends. They tell us about such talks and they are able to see the difference! Those who are the biggest trouble-makers in class are the ones that tell most stories about fights at home. They soak up violence at home and it pours out.
In our school however, their behavior is changing. As the teachers use alternative methods to teach and any form of physical and psychological violence is prohibited, our school is quite peaceful – and so different compared to what these children bring along from home.
Of course every child does some nonsense and tests his limits. Of course all children get into fights with each other and sometimes even get hurt in that. But if you, an adult and their parent, show them how to solve a conflict with love instead of violence, you earn their respect. And they won’t turn with violence on you one day.
Do you really need more proof?
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