The Advantage of a Joint Family for the Indian Mother

As I yesterday already told you, there is always someone here to take care of Apra and we have some friends in the west who were concerned that she might not be able to play on her own. While she has definitely developed the ability to busy herself without being entertained by anybody, this concern showed me how important this is for western parents – and it is just normal if you consider the normal circumstances in a family. These thoughts obviously triggered another comparison of the usual Indian situation with the normal western situation of a family. Let’s have a look at the normal situation of an Indian mother first.

We have an extraordinarily nice situation here with people around at all times who can all take care of our baby! That is great for Apra, who learns a lot from everyone, but also for us! We can both do our work not only while she is sleeping but also while she is playing with the boys, her uncles or anybody else. Of course it is a special situation – we can get up from our computer at any time to play with Apra ourselves and there are hardly any events when we have to attend guests when Apra cannot come along. Everybody loves watching her and playing with her, too, so we can integrate her in what we do. Ramona can feed Apra when she is hungry or wants to sleep but she has enough possibility to work.

While I know that we have support by a lot of Ashram staff members and an extraordinarily big family, I think the situation for the average Indian woman looks similarly advantageous. The normal Indian mother may not have this big multitude of people around her but she does have some people who love the child and to whom the child creates an emotional relation. It is normal for an Indian woman to move in with her husband’s family after their wedding. This means that apart from the child’s parents there are usually the father’s parents, maybe even grandparents, the brothers of the father and their wives and children, all living in the same house. If there are unmarried sisters of the father, they will also be in their house.

The mother thus has at least one or two other persons who can take care of the child for a short time while she takes a shower, cooks or does household chores. The child is taken care of, the mother is close-by and doesn’t need to worry and gets to do the things she needs to – and maybe even some time for her own pleasure, to read something, talk with friends or just relax or sleep.

Obviously work with one or several children in the house is quite a lot and also these mothers are not lying around watching TV the whole day while their relatives do all the work! It is still a lot to do but they have support.

If the financial situation of the mother requires her to work or if she feels like working when her child has grown a few years, it is much easier for her to go to work! The child has bonded well with the other family members, he or she won’t feel alone and while the absence of the mother will be noticed, she won’t be horribly missed. The rest of the family will manage keeping the small one happy and occupied which can be much more difficult in a fully foreign environment as a daycare center or crèche would provide.

The main benefit is that both parents and children have the support of a loving family for whatever they do. Physically but also mentally there is someone there to share responsibility within the normal Indian family.