Going from place to place in New Zealand in December 2003, I was all the time making new connections and stayed in many towns of which I cannot remember the names. I want to tell you one incident in one of those towns.
I was giving healing sessions and counseling as usual. These sessions were individual sessions and I had not fixed a price for them. Instead, people could give a donation of whatever amount they wanted. My principal was that the money from the healing sessions was never used for myself but it was used in charity projects. I lived from the money that I got from lectures, seminars and such. This is how there was a bowl for donations on a table in front of the counseling room where people could put the money in after the session.
I used to welcome people in the front room and then go into the counseling room together with them. After we were done with the session, we would come out together and I would welcome the next person. In the same way I came out after one session and the woman who had been with me took out a five-Dollar-note and placed it into the bowl. After saying good-bye, I went to greet the next woman who had already been sitting and waiting and who had watched how the previous lady had donated. My host was sitting in the same room, too. I went in for the session.
After approximately half an hour, the session was over and we came out together. She opened her purse, took out 20 Dollar and instead of putting them into the bowl like everyone else, she turned to me, put the note into my hand and said ‘I think this is enough for you’. I looked at her in shock. What was that? I immediately felt bad and could not help but feel tears welling up. I asked her ‘What are you saying? I am not a beggar! I don’t live from this money, it is for charity. I have enough money to survive, don’t worry’ and I gave her back her note. She, surprised by my reaction and maybe realizing what she had said, urged me to take the money but I did not accept it anymore.
There was nobody to come right after her and so I had time to sit down and consider my feelings. I felt very bad about that incident. She had seen that the other woman gave five dollar into the donation bowl and showing off her generosity, she gave me 20 dollars – in the hand so that I would know. It hurt my pride somehow and, talking to my host, I remembered something that a friend in Europe had told me:
‘When someone gets something from you and you tell them to give a donation, any amount they want, people get confused. In the western world we are not used to that, maybe that is different in India. People think about how much to give? 5? 20? I respect your feeling that you don’t want to use this money for yourself and say there is no fixed prize. The giver however, who took your time and felt good gets confused. If you fix the price, they can decide whether they want to take a session or not and there is no confusion afterwards’.
My friend had told me about people’s confusion but I had refused to fix a price because I wanted my sessions to be affordable for everyone. I told my host this conversation and he agreed with me that if I had followed the advice of my friend, I would not feel bad at that moment.
My host encouraged me to take this step now. I was in the west now and had to adapt, otherwise people would do this or similar things again and make me feel bad.
From that time on I decided that there is a cost for my sessions and the time I spent in them. We made a fixed price but then I added ‘I am not selling anything here. If someone doesn’t have money and cannot afford a session, they can come to me, I have never said no to anybody. If I can help them in any way, they will not be rejected.’ If anybody would come without money, I would accept it as well.
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This article is so true! In the western world people find it difficult to determine the amount of a donation. Honest people will want to pay for what they have received. Also many find it difficult to understand how a man could be working but giving the money to charity.
It is sad that you felt upset by this woman’s actions. She probably didn’t intend them to be hurtful at all! It is very interesting how culture is different in different places and how people behave.