I was really used to having many women in my program and I also have seen a lot of flirting especially out of that front row of the audience. In this program in London in the year 2002 however, there was a woman who did more than anybody else ever before.
I was used to it that many women were interested to invite me to their homes, too. When you are the center of attraction, there are normally some people among the audience who would like to get a bit more attention than the rest of the audience. They are looking for a chance for a more individual talk. It makes them feel good and special and I often accepted such invitations if I had time. These people were normally full of love and wanted to just have a talk. It was the wish of their heart. Very rarely someone really wanted to get close physically or had more on the mind.
This time in London one woman was very eager to meet me in private and invited me to her home. She did not only want to talk about herself but she wanted to show me her feelings for me. I don’t know how she reached to this conclusion that she then expressed. She said to me ‘Swami Ji, I can understand your pain! I know how it feels like to live alone for three and a half years in a cave. I have also always been alone in my life until now. I am a very religious woman and follow the scriptures. I feel you are very lonely, too. We are very similar. You need a companion in your life, you are still young and cannot live the rest of your life so fully alone!’
She had knowledge of the scriptures and knew of many holy people who had been married and had wives. Naming them all, she wanted to convince me that it was fully fine and also necessary for me to marry. She practically proposed to me, declaring her deep love to me.
She held me tight and hugged me for a long time. When we left the embrace she said ‘If I was a white girl, we would have had sex until now but I want to wait until after our wedding’.
What did I feel about this? I was used to the wish of women to be close to me and to get some close attention. Why do I mention this one woman? Because she went further than all others. She proposed and seriously wanted to marry me.
As a young man, I enjoyed the attention and maybe I was a little bit flattered, too, but when I realized that she was so bold and went that far, I was surprised and maybe a little bit shocked. Of course I respected her feelings and I know, if someone feels such love, it is in general a good feeling. I had to explain her very nicely that I had not felt lonely at all while I was in the cave! I did not suffer and was only alone because I wanted to be alone! It had been my wish to be alone! But I was not lonely and also then, in London, I did not feel lonely at all. I nicely explained her with full respect for her feelings that I had no intention or wish to have a wife. I saw her as a friend and told her as much.
Still, being in this situation was really quite strange. It shows however how people can project their own problems and sorrows onto others. She was lonely and wanted to marry and this is how she assumed and convinced herself that I felt the same. For her it all fit in and she was quite sure she would convince me. We parted as friends, though, and I believe she may have been disappointed then but overcame this disappointment soon.
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Oh wow, that is really a great way of seeing things. It is the human mind that sometimes plays games with us. We all have such feelings and she was convinced herself, so why wouldn’t you? I like how you treated this situation though. She deserves the respect of a friend that you gave her.
I like the stories you share as they are completely straight and open and get your point across with a personal example 🙂 happy you are all together again at the Ashram. much love and thinking of you often.
Dear Casey,I agree, we all can get trapped by our minds sometime. And we always have to respect our friends and their feelings, even if they affect our relation to them. I am happy that she remained a friend.
Hmmm, how interesting! She sounds like a seriously lonely woman, who only needs to know that she is loved and needed, in fact that is what most people want…who doesn’t want to be needed? Who doesn’t want to be loved?