I told you already that I had contact with a lot of homosexual people in 2006. One of the gay men whom I met in that time became a good friend of mine. He was interested in yoga and even had an Indian guru. Due to this however I could always see a big conflict in him: his guru did not approve of his homosexuality!
My friend was 23 years old. For years he had had interest in India and although he had never been to my home country, he was very fascinated by its culture, traditions and scriptures. He had read a lot of books about India which of course had influenced him as well. He was a quiet, calm person with a spiritual nature and interest in yoga and meditation. This all had brought him to his guru, an Indian man living in the west, teaching yoga and its philosophy and accepting disciples to follow him.
We spent quite a lot of time together in summer 2006. He came to my programs just to see me and we had long talks on drives from one place to another. On such drives he told me how he, as a young boy, never felt attracted to any woman. It felt more natural to him to find men attractive. Such feelings just never appeared for him when he saw women. I saw how natural his homosexuality was for him and that’s how he said ‘It is just me, my nature!’
Whenever he met his guru however, in Germany or at the guru’s center in the US, he encountered a problem: his guru told him that his homosexuality was a problem that he could, and should, solve. In Hindu religion and in strict yoga traditions, people don’t approve of homosexuality. He loved his guru but was confused and in conflict with his own personality whenever he heard that it was a blockage, something wrong with him that he needed to change or ‘work on’!
I could feel how deeply this was causing him to struggle. It made him insecure on the path he was going because it was a path that didn’t accept a part of him! He felt the need of support of his guru, guidance – which is why he had chosen to have a guru in the first place – but at the same time he did not want to follow everything his guru said!
If he had tried, because of his guru, to shift his attraction from men towards women, he would not have been honest with himself! He was struggling and I was happy to see that his personality won this struggle! He could not compromise with his natural truth.
Unfortunately however, it was a topic that was then always on his mind.
And it was not his only struggle – but more about that another day.
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