The Fact that I refuse your Advances doesn't mean I am gay!

Last week I told you about the private dance show that one of my organizers gave me in 2005 and which left me uninterested but in a strange situation. She was anyway working with what she called Tantra – giving workshops and massages that should teach and help people to stimulate their sexual energy. Additionally to the uneasiness that this knowledge gave me about my work at her center, I now knew that she was disappointed about my rejection. It was not a nice situation but while pondering in the night about what I should do, I decided to just make the best of it. Unfortunately, even this didn’t work out as planned.

I started the day as though nothing had happened the night before. I was happy to see that she, too, seemed to have got over her disappointment. She told me about the program that I would have and the group meditation in the evening. I started my work.

My organizer had an assistant in her center who came in the morning and who helped in welcoming people who had come to me and organizing my schedule. I had some individual sessions and of course also got into some small talk with her. It was in the afternoon, when this curious, jolly lady dared asking me something more personal: ‘I was told that you are more interested in men than in women, is that true?’ – I was speechless! With a laugh I told her that I was not attracted to men at all – but I knew exactly why my organizer was spreading this rumour! I had not succumbed to her obvious attempt of seduction. The logical consequence in her mind obviously was that I must be gay!

This talk made me think of an email that I had just received: it was written by a man who seemed to be attracted to me but with its explicit language it read like something that could have been gay porn if it had been published in a book. Together with the information that such rumours were around, I knew now how such an email reached my inbox.

It was a funny situation that I was in but well, I thought, the rumour that I was gay was not something that actually harmed me or insulted me – so I decided not to make a big deal out of this either.

In the evening however I had to address one issue that I absolutely did not like: when people came for meditation, my organizer put my flyers in display on a table. On the part of the brochure however where my contact information with website, email address and phone number was printed, she had stapled her own information in a way that it was impossible to read mine! I was upset about this because nobody would be able to contact me or go to my website!

We did not have much time before the meditation and when I asked her about this, she just shortly replied ‘I want to have the exclusive right for your work in Australia! I will do your bookings all over the country – let’s talk about this later!’ It was getting more and more strange and difficult to stay calm and act normal. I did however and completed a very nice meditation with a lot of people.

The people had taken the flyer with her contact number and even after they were gone, her phone was ringing and people were booking individual sessions. She went out of the room where I was sitting when she talked and while I was relaxing a bit, I heard her conversation – which was what finally made me change my mind.

There was someone on the phone who was obviously interested in an individual session and I heard her say ‘You should try this session with him. I have heard from people who had their experience with him: they were floating and experiencing Tantric energies that they never had felt before! I heard he prefers men – so a session with him will give you great pleasure!’

By that time I had a very clear picture of the kind of work she was doing and when she talked like this, I decided that I could not work with this woman under any circumstances anymore! She would sell my workshop as a sexual Tantra workshop although I was just doing yoga and tell more such things to people!

The decision was taken – but what should I do now? How to explain this and where should I go if I didn’t want to stay there? I will tell you next week how all these troubling questions in my mind and heart were solved!