In the beginning of the year 2006, I was staying with a woman and her family in Australia. She had invited me and was organizing my program in the area. I gave lectures and workshops in different places around town and individual sessions in her home. I learned a very valuable lessons while being with her: always ask your host before inviting more guests to his or her home!
Like everywhere I went, I cooked the food for the evening and the family with whom I stayed usually ate along. This family, too, ate the Indian food that I daily prepared and they thoroughly enjoyed it. It was mostly dinner, as I worked throughout the day, often giving many individual sessions in a row.
During one of these sessions, a lady was very interested in getting to know more about me, my family, my work and my charity projects. As there was only a limited time scheduled for one session, I could not go into detailed talk with her but as I saw her interest I simply asked ‘Why don’t you come for dinner?’ She was more than happy about this suggestion – obviously, as she would get to taste great Indian food and get a nice conversation and maybe a new, interesting friend – and finally she left.
After my remaining sessions were over, I went back to the main living area where I met my host. I told her that I had invited a woman for dinner and that she would come. The reaction shocked me.
‘You invited someone to dinner, to my home, without even asking me first? What if I didn’t want to have anybody around me tonight? Or if I had other plans?’
When she replied, I realized immediately that I had done a mistake. I had however never thought that this could be a problem! I had done this in Germany before, too – but I understood in that moment that I had usually been more by myself and maybe did not invite guests to other people’s homes. I was cooking there, too, but it was her home, her table, her family. I had obviously just been a bit too naïve.
I apologized in the next second, said sorry and told her that I would immediately make a call and tell this woman not to come, that we had different plans instead. This made her realize herself that her reaction had been a bit too harsh – but we just cancelled the dinner plan.
After a while, when we both had had time to sort out our thoughts, we had a talk and she asked ‘Is it normal for you to invite your friends when you are staying at someone’s home who doesn’t even know them?’
I explained her that I fully understood the point but that she should believe me that I had absolutely not thought of this! In India we have a different way of hospitality. If I have a guest at my home and am invited somewhere else, I can bring along my guests without problem. If you are staying at my home, you are more than welcome to bring anybody along for dinner and I wouldn’t mind if you didn’t tell me before. But I had realized that this was simply a different culture.
In the end, that was all there was. A difference of culture. And an important lesson for the future!
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Different culture often means different feelings. When someone is not used to something, this can cause bad feelings and the person starts feeling uncomfortable. That is the reason why reactions result, that in someone else eyes are strange. To be able to understand another culture you need also to understand the feelings.