I told you last week how my friends and former disciples slowly got to know about the changes of my thinking and philosophy. I was not anymore a guru and by 2005, most people in my surrounding were aware of that, at least in part. Of course, also my family realized what was going on – and I wanted to share my feelings with them! I was not sure however what they would say, especially my father, who had spent his whole life as a guru.
My transition phase from being a very religious guru to being the non-religious, normal person that I am today was quite long. It is normal – I had devoted thirty years of my life to religion and the life of a guru! Change didn’t come from one day to another but there was a point in the year 2005 when I looked back and realized how much I had already changed and that changes were still taking place! There were so many feelings and experiences – and I wanted to tell my family about them.
I had started travelling with my father at an early age. Already when I was very little, I would come to his programs and when I was nine years old, he let me share the stage, recite some mantras and thus contribute in his program. He taught me everything, gave me room for my own interpretations, encouraged me to use new ways and implement my own ideas when presenting the ancient content of those religious scriptures. He was not only guru to thousands of people but also my personal guru, the one from whom I learned everything.
When I was thirteen, I started giving my own lectures and as a teenager already started travelling on my own. I gained popularity and I was always aware that this success was based on what my father had told me. What would he say if I told him I was leaving this all? That I was not stepping away but that I had already brought quite a distance in between that past guru life and myself?
After I came out of the cave in 2000, I was spending lots of time abroad and while they thus did not see my daily routine too often, the members of my family had definitely felt and seen some of the changes already. They knew I had not been doing my daily fire ceremony anymore after I had broken my leg. They also knew that I didn’t give any programs in India anymore. They knew that I was hardly in touch with any of the disciples who had frequently come to visit before and even during my time in the cave.
As we were always very open within our family, I was not worried though – nevertheless, I did not know exactly, what my father would say. Would he be disappointed? Would he understand? What would he feel about these changes?
Next week, I will tell you about our talk.
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