I told you how in 2005 I had the feeling that I wanted to talk to my family about the changes that had taken place in my life until then. What would my father, the one who had been a religious guru his whole life, say when I told him I was not a guru anymore? And that I had even started moving away from religion?
I chose a time when the whole family was around, which was not difficult, as we always had dinner together. And so I started my story, turning my inside out once more to those people who were closest to me in life and to whom I had always had the biggest of trust and most of love possible.
I told them about the feelings I had after coming out of the cave. After this long retreat, just on my own, I was of course a different person. I just found it very difficult to relate with people in the same way as before! My family patiently listened while I was searching the words to explain this difference of feelings. The role of a guru just didn’t seem right anymore. Neither did a lot of the things that I had previously done out of religious belief. I still believed in God, a supreme power, but my definition of this power had changed as well. I had left my religious practice and I explained that I was not anymore convinced with the ideology I had been following.
This was the part where my heart was pulling me away from the guru life and religion. I wanted to live an honest life and keep my feelings and behavior in alignment. I didn’t want to do what I didn’t believe in anymore, even if it had been something I had very much believed in before! I didn’t want to tell anybody to do something that I didn’t do myself either! That’s how I had changed.
I had anyway left all those disciples from my past and was hardly in touch with anybody, my siblings and parents all knew this. With the people whom I met now, I started a very different relation. I was talking differently with them, still exploring their psychological situation but helping them practically, like a friend or maybe therapist, not as a guru anymore. In the end I looked up to see what my family would reply and how my father would react.
Of course it was not a big shock or huge surprise to them. They had seen and felt the changes in me and my behavior. Nevertheless, it was new to them to hear the details of what brought me to these changes. What made me take the steps I had taken, in a direction that my parents had not thought to go in their own lives? Now they had heard it all and they reacted very calmly.
Everyone had been listening with interest and when I had finished, my father did not say much. What he said however was very important to me: ‘For us, the only thing that is important is what your feelings say. If you are happy, we all are happy. Whatever your experience, feelings and thoughts tell you to do, do that!’
Everyone has to choose his own way.
Related posts
कृपया ग्लानि न करें यदि किसी की कल्पना करके आपका खड़ा अथवा गीली हो जाए
Bitte haben Sie kein schlechtes Gewissen, wenn Sie eine Erektion bekommen oder nass werden, weil Sie sich jemanden vorstellen
Please don’t feel guilty if you get erection or wet by imagining someone
Meine Beziehung zu meinem Vater
My relationship with my father
पिता के साथ मेरा सम्बन्ध
Neues Kapitel im Leben, Herausforderungen und Lektionen
New chapter in life, challenges and lessons
