After a joyous Holi celebration, with Purnendu’s wife a new member of our family, I got my suitcase out again and started for my Europe tour 2003. As it had become my habit, I first went to London. I had established a few contacts and some programs were waiting for me in different Indian families’ homes.
The last time when I had been there, someone had asked me to bring a certain mala from India. I had not thought much about it but had brought along the mala. When I was there this time, this person was not there. He did not come to my programs at all and I had given up the hope that I would be able to give it to him.
One of my host’s relatives saw the mala with me and asked me how much it would cost to buy it. I told him what I had paid for it. He then told me that he had no money with him at that moment but that he would take it and give me the money later.
On the next day however my host approached me. His relative had obviously complained to him that I was asking money for that mala. He asked me why I was selling things in his home. I was surprised to hear this and tried to explain him the situation. I was requested to bring something along from India. It was like an order and I had agreed to be the courier for it. The person who had asked me to bring the mala for him had not appeared. So when another person asked me how much it had cost, I told the truth. What was the problem?
My host did not see it in this way. He kept on arguing that I should not have asked his relative for money. I however did not know this man at all, so why would I give out gifts? I did not want to make any profit, I just told him what I had paid for it! My host was of the opinion that I should have given him the mala as a present. He said ‘I think my role with you is over’.
I was shocked to hear these words. He obviously meant that he would not want to have much to do with me anymore and would not like to have me give lectures or perform ceremonies and rituals in his home anymore. And this all for a few pounds? Because I did not want to make a gift to someone whom I did not even know?
I actually was very disappointed by this reaction. They had been very devoted and had given much love and respect to me because they saw me as a guru. So one day you can be very respected and holy but the next day they can change their mind and then you are nobody. It does not need a big reason for them to change. It can happen quickly and for no reason at all. It does not take any time for these people’s respect and love to vanish. This gave me a very big lesson and confirmed me in my idea that this guru role was not good, not even in London where it seemed a bit more relaxed than in India.
My relation to this man did not finish completely because of this incident. He came into my lectures and programs later, too, but I had learned from this. This talk remained in my heart and mind and I thought it was better to retreat from such programs and situations in which people put you so high and admire you without limits. They let you fall just as quickly, too.
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Your host will continue to look to get his expectations met, and that’s all he will get.
My experience is that things like that happen especially when people try to identify themselves with the thoughts and the charisma of somebody else – but aren’t aware of their own individual value – who in many cases might be a guru or some sort of philosophical teacher. They would approach him very quickly, intending to be as close as possible and developing a certain proud as they at some point believe to be the “selected ones”, other than the others, extraordinary etc. By doing that they establish a paradox because (especially when dealing with religious matters) they claim to work with their ego, trying to reduce it, but in fact they are cultivating it even more. If then at some point later they realize that they are equal (because they would not be treated in another way) they would feel rejected like a child by its mother or father and devotion and commitment would turn into anger…