Last week I told you that I got to know many homosexual women in 2006 who turned to relationships with women after many and often long relationships with men. The gay men whom I got to know, on the other hand, told me rather that they never ever felt attracted to women. While I last week focused on the female point of view of this phenomenon, I would like to write about the male side today.
First of all, I would again like to clarify that this is my personal and practical experience after meeting and talking to thousands of people. It is not based on scientific research but is what I heard from most homosexual men whom I met: ‘I have always been gay!’
They tell me that they never felt any attraction to women but rather felt interested in their male friends, classmates or other men in their surroundings. They noticed early, mostly in their puberty, that they, unlike other guys of their age, did not get aroused by seeing top models or actresses on TV screens. Of course, there were single cases, too, of men who then ‘tried with a woman’ but for whom it felt unnatural and not right. All in all however, most men just never made the experience of being with a woman. So how come it is so different what I heard from men than what I heard from women?
Maybe there are actually much more homosexual men than we know about – because they still live in heterosexual relationships! I think it could be that more lesbian or bi-sexual women take the step out of their relationship and then openly accept their true sexual orientation.
I believe it is in general easier in society for a woman to be lesbian than for a man to be gay. It is the stigma of not being ‘a real man’, the image of a powerless softy instead of the hard and tough man of steel, the womanizer and conqueror of female hearts. There is the fear of being ridiculed and maybe even of losing not only social acceptance but also possibilities to rise in career which leads to less financial security. For women, it is different. In a man’s world – which is unfortunately still the case also for a lot of western societies – a woman kissing a woman will be experienced as hot and sexy by a majority of people, including men, whereas a man kissing a man is perceived very differently. When their boss is a man, and their friends are men with views that are close to homophobia, men with homosexual tendencies may not want to even take the step to explore these.
Additionally, as I already hinted at last week, I believe women are just more open towards each other. They anyway share all their secrets with their best friends – all women – and their friendships often seem to go much deeper than those of men. Men don’t open their inner matters to other men as easily as women do to women. Even when looking at the physical aspects, women are more open towards each other! In gyms, sports clubs and similar establishments they go changing and showering with each other with less shyness. Their openness to mix up socially is, in my view, much higher than that of men. And maybe the step to follow an inner calling is easier, even if you have lived your life in a fully different way for the past two or three decades!
However it may be, nearly all homosexuals that I have known, have told me that they had now found their true self. And that is what I believe is important.