Just as the year is ending now and we all are looking back, I was looking back at the past years when the year 2005 came to an end. The change of years gave me the occasion to think back on the five years that had passed since I had left the cave. How much had happened and in which way I had developed!
When I came out of the cave, I had obviously just completed a long time of retreat just with myself and I knew that the changes that had taken place within me in that time would reflect on my life – but how? I knew I didn’t want to go on the way I had lived before but I had no idea in which direction my life would turn, what I would do. And where I would earn money from to support my family!
I changed. Out of India, into the world. I started new projects, new work. I gave yoga workshops, individual sessions and counselling. I connected with people in a different way and enjoyed it. I had left behind the role of a guru and had made friends.
While I had started in the west by working within Indian communities, obviously closely connected to religion and thus the work I had been doing before, with time that changed as well. I made connections outside the Indian communities of the countries I was travelling in and I worked with people who had very little or no relation to Hindu religion or scriptures. I was happy to free myself from those texts which I slowly realized were not reflecting what I felt inside. I was further away from religion than I had ever thought I would be.
But I had survived. My family had survived. No, more than that: we were flourishing! The Ashram building was growing and we were able to support more and more people, members of our staff and their families, who lived on the salary they got from us, young Sanskrit students who lived with us during the time of their studies and those many children whom we were now supporting in primary schools in the surrounding.
What did I do when I realized this? I thanked God from the depth of my heart. I believed it was him who provided all of this even when I didn’t give lectures about religious scriptures anymore! Who blessed me and my family in spite of all the change that I had gone through in the past five years.
In that time I would have never thought that another five years later I would call this same God a fictional character and that I would not get the idea to thank this creation of the human mind for the fruit of my own work and effort.
People change, thoughts change and beliefs change, all with time!
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