The story of a 'Toyboy' - when Age becomes a long-lasting Concern

When I was in Australia in 2007, I had another quite interesting individual session. A man of 36 years told me how his first sexual encounter influenced his choice of relationships until today!

This man came to me and told me right away that he had a problem even before his relationship had really started. He added that this issue had absolutely nothing to do with the woman but instead everything with him. He had a problem with her age.

When he had been 18 years old, he had slept with a woman for the very first time. She had been 44 years old, divorced and thus free to give him a proper introduction into the art of making love. It was a casual relationship and he told me that he had been a ‘toyboy’, just a young lover, whom this woman didn’t really took serious. Their relation included however loving sentiments as well – and that’s how it lasted for nearly a whole year!

He had had several partners from that time until the day he met me, had made more experiences but had always been more interested in women younger than him. He stayed away from women older than him and mostly even away from those of the same age.

Now however, he had met a woman whom he really liked. They had spent some time together and it had seemed that this time it could be something serious. But then he had got to know her age: she was four years older than him.

Although everything else seemed wonderfully fine, this small piece of information had suddenly brought a feeling of resistance into his heart. A feeling that he should not go on, should not deepen their relationship.

Obviously he could make the psychological connection himself: due to his past experience with this older woman, he now refused any woman older than him, maybe because he didn’t want to get hurt again. He had tried his best not to show these feelings in front of the woman with whom he was connected to nicely now. He was confused however about what to do!

I told him to stay calm. He had already figured out the reason why he had issues with her age. Everything had been fine until he had heard that figure that tells how many years ago she had been born. I could tell him to just forget about the age for a moment and consider whether there was anything else that bothered him. When the answer was no, I asked him to keep it that way.

It is obvious: you are carrying a package of the past along with you. Leave that behind and look out for a good future! Accept the past with its positive experiences and the lessons you have learned. And age? Age is just a figure, nothing more. It tells nothing about how loving or kind you are, how intelligent or wise, how lovable or how loved.

I believe it helped him – a few years later I heard he had married that lady!