How difficult a stubborn Indian Mentality can become in the West

As I already told you, I was travelling with a flute player in 2005 who gave my programs a special musical touch which was always very nice and appreciated by all participants. It was a good idea to take a live musician along, as I had lots of program and his flute music created a beautiful atmosphere many times. After spending some time together with this musician however, I got to know that this man’s character and mentality were not really right for doing this kind of journeys and work. It became very clear when Yashendu had a conversation with him about our hosts.

We were three people now and obviously not each of my organizers had enough space to accommodate all of us, so we split up whenever it was not possible. There were always other friends or hospitable people who were happy to have one or two guests for a week. In one town I had a friend of quite some time where I always stayed. My brother Yashendu and our musician were invited by new friends, a very nice couple who had also helped preparing the visa for our musician.

When I stay anywhere, I am usually the one who does the cooking and in this way I like to give back a little bit to my hosts and give them the joy of eating Indian food while having guests from India in their home. Yashendu did the same and it was a kind of habit that those who did not cook did the dishes afterwards. Throughout our travels however, and at this place, too, our musician had no inclination to help – neither in cooking nor in washing the dishes. Washing the dishes is anyway something that many people in India see as ‘lower work’. When we told him that it was normal to help and that he should do the dishes from time to time, too, he replied ‘I am a higher caste person, I will not wash anybody else’s dishes!’ Even though Yashendu answered ‘You are not in India, this wrong thinking doesn’t work here! You are in Germany, everybody is equal here!’ He listened and started washing his own plate – but nothing else.

Well, that was only a small aspect that we got upset about but the real problem with his attitude arose shortly before he was going to leave Germany again. He had his ticket and told Yashendu about the timing of his train. He said ‘So our hosts will drop me off at ten o’clock and then…’. Yashendu interrupted him ‘No, wait, they won’t be able to take you, that is office time, they will be at work. So you will take the taxi.’ Hearing this, our flute player got very upset and started a strange discussion with Yashendu.

‘What do you mean, they won’t even drop me off? What kind of hosts are they? Really, they are not treating their guests right at all! You have to work in their home, have to get to the train on your own… if any of them came to India and in my home, I would show them what hospitality really means!’ He wanted to go on with some more examples but Yashendu again interrupted him, this time already slightly angry and most of all shocked about his thanklessness. ‘Come on, these people are doing everything for you! They sent you an invitation so that you could come to Germany at all! They give you their home, they feed you, they are your friends and come to your program!’

Obviously their conversation went on a bit further but I can spare you the time, you already know what kind of mentality our musician was displaying there! It was incredible and when my brother told me about it, I knew I would never take this man along on my travels again! Unfortunately I have seen a similar, unthankful attitude with other Indians many times on my travels. I guess it is a problem of how they were raised that they have expectations of getting things for free and taking for granted whatever others do for them.

I was happy that our friends did not get to hear all of this and knew that I would always take care to show my thankfulness by being a good friend.