When your Hosts are in a constant Fight

Last week I told you of a time in 2006 when Yashendu and I came to an organizer that had promised much more than she could fulfill – and that we had accept it as it was. We had some more such situations in that year, too, one of which was actually more uncomfortable for us: when our organizer and his wife were constantly fighting!

Yes, it was a friend, a man whom I had got to know a year ago in another program. He had been very interested in organizing in his place as well and as I had not had time on that previous journey, we had agreed on a date in 2006 for doing program in his place. Yashendu and I arrived as agreed – and were heartily welcomed by his wife and him. It was a wonderful first evening with a meditation, programs were planned for the next days and several people had already booked. So we were looking forward to a nice week with them – but in the morning, when we had just got up, we heard someone shouting in the other room. It was my friend’s wife.

Well, we did not pay much attention to it, just hearing someone disagreeing – even if loudly – was nothing very unusual for us as we usually stayed in people’s homes. We did not understand German and knew better than to jump to conclusions. Maybe she was just very upset about something. We forgot about it – until we heard screaming in the evening again, this time both screaming at each other!

For the next days, the two of them were on and off, shouting at each other and definitely having bigger fights. At first, they were trying to hide these scenes from us, going into another room with the door closed. Once however, I was just on the way to the bathroom when my friend came from downstairs, a sourly expression on his face. His wife shouted from downstairs. He noticed that I must have heard that – and his expression changed to one of sadness.

He apologized to me with many words, telling me that he had hoped it would not be as bad this week. In fact however, this had been normality for him and his wife for many weeks now. They would fight daily. Several times a day.

Obviously, I offered my help. I offered that I could have a partner session with both of them and we could maybe find a better way, a solution and help. He was happy about my offer and told me he would ask his wife.

The next day, he came to me, very sad, saying that his wife had refused my offer to help.

Well, you cannot help if someone doesn’t want to. I heard his side of the story and could give him some support on how to deal with it – but we left his home with a feeling that this relationship will not work out. And if they stayed together, they would only keep on fighting!

I hoped I would not come to a home with this situation anymore – and wished none of my friends would have such problems!