On my travels I have always been meeting a lot of different people and in the past weeks I have told you of several funny encounters with people of the esoteric scene in 2005. Obviously, as I was doing healing work, yoga and meditations, I was always surrounded by people who were interested in energy and sometimes they just went further in their belief than I did. I noticed however that especially among these people, there are many with another problem: they are very, very lonely.
In the west I have, over the years, heard in hundreds of individual sessions that people felt lonely and were unhappy about the fact that they did not really have people in their life who would give them love or whom they could give love. Giving and receiving is equally important – these people were just as unhappy about the fact that they never got a loving touch by someone as they were unhappy that they could not care for someone, think of someone else’s needs and be there for someone else.
In 2005 I met such a woman in an individual session. She told me that she had been sexually abused by her father in her childhood. That experience had left deep scars and was the reason that she did not have a man in her life. She did not regret the fact however that she had no partner – no, she told me the only thing that she was missing was children! I told her ‘You can see me as your son!’
I wanted to help her to get rid of this feeling that she was fully alone in this world and so I just suggested a close friendship. Several times I came to her home and invited her to come to visit me in India. She did, too, and had a good time. I was open to share my emotions – as I actually usually am – and I was there to listen to her feelings. It was a nice friendship and I believed that for her, this could help relieving that feeling of loneliness.
For a while, that worked well, too. I think that she actually loved me but after some time I realized it was a love with a lot of expectations! She started being possessive – maybe her idea of a nice relation should look like– and wanted me to be just like her. It was impossible to fulfill her expectations and I didn’t want to do that either! In my idea of a close friendship, there are two separate individuals who give each other love but still have different belief and ideas of life. Her thoughts, her way of life and especially her esoteric belief was something that I could not and did not want to accept in my life!
I felt like she was trying to control me, wanting me to think in the same way that she did. At some point she even mentioned a kind of bait in a conversation, loudly wondering who would inherit her home once when she would be no more. She practically offered me that I could inherit it, if we stayed close – and of course if I acted in the way she expected me to. The whole relation started sucking my energy, I felt mentally weak and my body reacted, too.
I had tried my best but unfortunately I have to say that I could not reach my goal. Instead of being able to fulfill the void in this woman’s life, instead of making her feel less lonely, I had a bad feeling and knew that this could not go on like this. It was not good for me and also not for her – our relation ended, after I had expressed my feelings to her. Another sign to me that some belief just did not match my way of life.
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