In November 2004 there was an event that made a change in my attitude towards marriage and divorce. My whole life long I had seen the loving relationship in between my parents. We did not have any aunts or uncles in our home whose marriage problems I could have witnessed and so for me marriage was the embodiment of love. Divorce was, frankly speaking, a very weird idea.
In my first years in the west I met some people who told me that they were divorced. I assumed something very horrible must have happened that had caused the couple to break up. Whatever that was, it was in any case my heartfelt idea that it would be the best for them to get back together again.
In this very spirit I had a conversation with an Australian friend who had grown dear to me. I really liked him and I knew he was divorced. He had children and we were sitting together, talking about love and relationships. At that point, I had this feeling of love and best wishes in my heart and, innocent as I was, I turned to him, saying with a warm voice ‘I wish for you that you and your ex-wife get back together!’ I have to laugh today myself, thinking of the response in his face to this. There was horror at the idea of living again with his ex-wife, amusement at the idea that someone might wish this and something else, understanding of where this sentence came from and in the end thankfulness for my love and friendship. ‘Swami Ji,’ he answered. ‘Thank you for wishing me what you think is best but this is never going to happen and it is good as it is!’
In that time I heard his words and accepted them but I still thought that he could just not understand how great it would be if the family was united again! In November 2004 however I started understanding my friend’s feelings. After a lot of trouble and many problems, Purnendu got separated from his wife and I understood that there are cases in which it will be better not to try and fix a relationship.
Just as it had been my thinking before, the community of Vrindavan reacted by trying to mediate, talking to Purnendu, talking to his wife, talking to us, wishing that they can help reinstate peace in their marriage and in our home. Purnendu had made his decision however and we all agreed that it was over.
From that time on I could see divorces with other eyes. In the west nearly every second person I met in my counseling sessions was divorced, so it was just good that I had got to know another point of view and could understand them in a better way – and not wish each of them that they may get back together with their ex-partners!
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