I would like to talk a little bit about the old, traditional Indian way of establishing a relationship: arranged marriages. What is the idea behind it? You want to give space for the relationship and the love to develop. There is not really love in between both of them because they don’t know each other. How can love be possible? But they create the circumstances in which love can develop.
I met one of my friends from India four months after his arranged wedding. I asked him: “How are you, how is your wife and how is your married life?” He answered: “Oh, I am fine, she is also fine. We have established a physical relation; the emotional relation will also develop with time.” I was very happy with his honest and clear answer. It is true, it takes a bit time to develop an emotional relation but of course it will develop when you have a physical relation with somebody. It is easier to make a physical relation.
I would like to give my definition of the concept of arranged marriages: Love doesn’t depend on any condition; it can develop with anybody with whom you get close and with whom you create the circumstances. If both persons are ready to devote themselves then this love gets strong and they can build a lifelong relationship. Of course if the main essence, the love without conditions, is maintained, then there won’t be any problem. But if they have projected many ideas or have many expectations and have put up a lot of conditions, then it will be difficult to go on this path of a relation that has been arranged. If it works in this way it is wonderful but it also happens that it doesn’t work. I am not in favour of it. People say it is like gambling and one time I was laughing with my friend about calling it organized crime.
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I would dread being expected to establish a physical relationship with someone I do not know. What if they were not a person I would ever want to sleep with? This seems like it might be very difficult for some people. If I can choose a person to sleep with, even if I do not know them it would feel very different for me. I have spoken with people in countries where arranged marriage is the norm and many people are quite happy with their circumstance. I do not know enough about arranged marriage to have a deep seeded opinion of it, but I do think that socially or physically forced or pressured sexual relations is a matter of consequence. Here is a link to marital rape issues in India (these issues exist everywhere and may or may not be more common in arranged marriages). http://jurisonline.in/2010/09/marital-rape-in-india/