Choosing a Spouse for an Arranged Marriage – 12 Jan 10


Yesterday I wrote about the concept of arranged marriages. I said that at the first meeting of parents and possible future spouse the parents look at the boy or the girl trying to find any mistake. They believe they are doing best for their child and think of course, my son would like to be with a beautiful girl. But what can you say about that girl’s character?

Everybody’s measurement of beauty is different, what are your parameters for this? And then how do you know if that beautiful and fair girl is not lying with every word she says? In India the girl will usually live with her husband in his parents’ house, so they need to get along with the one spouse they choose. And the other way around, maybe that young woman whom they rejected because her skin colour was too dark, has the most beautiful soul and is a very kind and loving person. How do you know?

Another question: what do you think how this girl feels like after being rejected with the reason of not being beautiful enough? It could hurt her so much that she might have this doubt for her whole life long! This is not only about girls, it can happen also that a girl’s mother doesn’t find the proposed boy tall enough. Another ‘mistake’ that you cannot change, where this young man can really get a problem. This is one of the reasons why I do not appreciate arranged marriages at all. Think about it, it is one of the craziest concepts that I know!

Since yesterday we have two guests, Bonnie and Warren from the US. Warren is the father of Ria, who came by at the Ashram last year. Bonnie had a surprise ready for Warren: she had sponsored the food for the children in his name to give him this surprise and the joy to help in cooking and distributing. It was great to see how they enjoyed helping in this meal. A beautiful idea for a present!
Click here to see more pictures of today’s food

4 Replies to “Choosing a Spouse for an Arranged Marriage – 12 Jan 10”

  1. I still find it unbelievable that people are still discrimminated because of their colour, relgiion. We are all human, all have blood. I am whiite, but I see many very beautiful black people. This women is probably beautiful inside and outside….and her self esteem etc., as you say could be effected for life xx

  2. No matter what method is used to go about it, women will always let men define their happiness. doesn’t matter if it’s an arranged marriage or not.

  3. The major difficulty in choosing a spouse for your child would be that you simply don’t know who they will truly love and why– precisely the reason why arranged marriages are a terrible idea!
    When I look around at couples in public, sometimes I think to myself, “how did those two end up together?” because I would never have put the two together myself. But that is what is so beautiful about love! It crosses all boundaries and presumptions. People love each other for all kinds of different reasons and it is a part of their soul’s purpose to do so. Thus, it is silly to have anyone pick your soulmate but you!

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