I have mentioned that a lot of people who have problems in their marriage do not show anything of it to the outside world, not even to good friends. As I see this a lot in India and witness how people spend decades fighting with each other, I wrote that people in the west don’t make themselves unhappy with such problems for too long but rather decide to break up and get divorced. I was asked, rather excitedly, by some Indian people whether I really supported this culture of breaking up and divorce. Let me explain you my thoughts to this topic.
My idea is that you should be happy in life. Obviously, we all have the wish to be happy and we try to reach there. Some of us however have the impression that they can only be happy if the society, the people around them, think good of them and they are ready to sacrifice their personal peace, the peace in their home for their outer reputation. You get a little bit of satisfaction that you get from knowing that others think you are a good person in a loving relationship but in my opinion this is just a tiny bit in front of the big happiness that you would have if it really was like this! As it is, there are many people who accept fights and tension in their home just so that they don’t have to get divorced. When your unhappiness is so big and you know that nothing can be fixed in your relationship, I believe you should not fight any longer.
I believe it is easier in the west for people to take this step as the stigma of a divorce is still scary to people in Indian society. The individuality that people live in the west is helpful in this case. At the same time however I feel that this may even make it too easy for people to quit a relationship. The result can be seen in the on and off that many people have with different partners, changing them like other people change underwear. Each time you meet them, they have another boyfriend or girlfriend and each time they introduce them to you as the love of their lives. When you ask them what happened to the last one, they say ‘Oh, it didn’t work’.
The problem is that it has become so easy for some that they don’t even really try anymore to make it work. While I say that young Indians’ dreams shatter when they have their arranged marriage, western people often stick so much to their idea of how their significant other should be that they don’t even agree on making tiny adjustments! They often don’t realize that there is no such person as they are dreaming about and forget that the other one may also have some imagination of his own.
When the ego of two people clashes, there are problems, regardless which cultural background they have. I have the feeling that you should always follow your heart and keep your ego in check. If there is a way to make it work by just telling your ego to take a step back, do it but don’t let such adjustments take away your happiness. If you feel that you have to compromise too much and you lose your joy of life, don’t try for decades to manage. Life will just be over before you know it.
If there is no way to fix the relation, don’t surrender and hope that it will be better in your next life. This life is too precious for this.
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