When writing about Indian habits, there is one more that came in my mind: the big formality of inviting people to your home.
Whenever you meet someone you know, be that in a wedding, another function or just when you are out on the road, and you are getting into a small conversation, there is a certain pattern to it. It starts with a greeting, you ask each other how you are and give short information to this point. Then you exchange some words about business or common friends or the occasion you are meeting at. Finally, when you have nothing to say to each other anymore, you part but not without giving the other one the obligatory invitation: ‘Oh, but you must come and visit us at home soon!’ and the even better reply: ‘Of course, yes, I will come, I will come!’
The funny part is that both parties know very well that the answering person will never actually show up in the other person’s home. In fact, the asking person already knew this when he invited him. They both knew the question would come, they both knew the answer and they both knew that nevertheless nobody would visit anybody else.
Sometimes however the other person may not be that much aware of this. Let me tell you of one story related to this. I knew a man who was doing the same thing I was doing many years ago – he was a guru. He had an acquaintance, a man from the town he came from, who had shifted to America and had settled there. Once this man came to pay a visit and when they parted, he said ‘You should come to the US, too! It will be great to see you there!’
When the guru had the feeling, some months later, that he would really like to go to America, he just went to the nearest US embassy and stood in line there, as it was common practice in earlier times. After waiting several hours, it was finally his turn to go in and apply for his visa. Obviously he was turned down but they were nice enough to explain him that it didn’t work in this way, that he needed a sponsor, someone to officially invite him, guaranteeing for his financial situation and so forth.
The man thought that should not be a problem, he had been invited after all. So he called the Indian man who lived in America and told him what was required for him to go to the US. This man however was highly surprised: ‘I just said that to be polite! I never meant to really invite you! It was just a formality!’
I have to laugh when I hear such stories about the consequences of common formalities! Nevertheless you can see clearly where this formality comes from: Indians love having guests and they also love being guests! Hospitality is in their blood and so they invite even people whom they don’t know very well to come to their home, have food, drink tea and be together. In many cases it remains a formality – but there are cases in which this formality is the beginning of a deeper relationship.
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