A true Story - How Indian Culture doesn't allow Love outside set Rules

A true Story – How Indian Culture doesn’t allow Love outside set Rules – 14 May 13

Post author:Balendu
Post published:14/05/2013
Post category:Indian culture
Post comments:1 Comment

I would like to show you a story that a friend sent to me after having read some of my blogs. It’s a real life story and shows the harm that the concept of arranged marriage and stubborn traditional thinking can do to two people’s lives. Here you are:

“3.5 years ago a Western woman and an Indian guy meet by accident via social media. A close friendship develops quite soon and they share good and bad moments in their lives with each other. They support one another. They find out that there is more to it than normal friendship.

They finally meet. The woman, aware of all difficulties that a close bond with someone younger, from an entirely different culture and religion can bring, hopes that this will reveal that it's just a nice friendship and nothing more. It turns out to be just the opposite. It looks and feels as if they have known each other closely for years. Their bond becomes even closer.

The Indian man from Delhi is still looking for a job and is invited for a follow-up interview for a big multinational company in Bangalore. The introduction has been made through a colleague of his father. The interview goes well and he stays on to get word from the company. During that time the man feels he doesn't belong in Bangalore. His father tells him that he wants him to get the job because he expects his youngest son to take up the mortgage on the house once he's sure he gets the job. His father will retire in 2 years.

The young man starts seeing the huge expectations which are being asked from him and although it doesn't feel right and it suffocates him, he accepts his destiny. A month later the young man tells the Western woman he is seeing a Hindu girl because that will be acceptable for his family and if he doesn't look for one, his parents will (although the parents don't have an arranged marriage and are quite progressive. Family is middle-class, father middle-manager in a big company. The son has friends from different castes and religions). He tells her he loves her but that this has to be done, because they won't be able to stay together.

The woman has a long conversation with the man's best and closest friend, the one he calls his brother. This friend is not aware of any girlfriend and even thinks his friend invented it. He's totally shocked as his friend had told him that he's afraid of his future because he loves this Western woman so much that he can't imagine a future without her….

Swami, I read your blogs daily. I learn about India and India's society through them. I see how things are slowly progressing in India. My friend is quite progressive but also very close to his family. I never thought he would just give up on true love, not to upset his family.”

It is a sad truth but I am familiar with this kind of situations. It's quite normal in this culture. There are many cases in which one of two drops the other in a similar way because he or she was of another caste – they are simply not ready to go against the families, don’t want to hurt anybody and would rather be unhappy in their own relation to their future partner.

I hope this man will realize that it would be good to follow one's heart to be happy in life…