It sometimes seems, especially here in India, as though people don’t understand the reaction of children. Or don’t care about their feelings. They actually try to get a reaction by children only for their own amusement, not thinking of the effect that this will have on the child. They try scaring the child, teasing it, just for laughing about a scared reaction – but what about the effect this has on the child? Did you ever think of that?
I have written about this way of teasing children before, which is quite usual in India but after a recent incident, I thought I just give that experience as a further example!
Apra went with her mother and one of her uncles to visit a friend in the hospital. This friend had just given birth to her first child, a cute little baby boy, and of course Apra was eager to see the baby. Already upon entering the hospital, they met one of the doctors. After a little chat, this woman asks Apra ‘Have you come to see the baby?’ Apra nods. ‘Have you come with your Mum and Dad?’ Apra says no, with her uncle. ‘Oh, with your uncle! You know what, we will keep your uncle here, okay?’
What? You have just met my daughter, she doesn’t know you and you don’t know her or her uncle – how come you even say such a thing? I know why: you want to see my child’s reaction and if she gets afraid, you find it funny. Apra was unsure and just straight away said ‘Let’s see the baby’.
Once with the baby, she was amazed about this little newborn being. She gently stroke it on the cheek and took the tiny hand in hers. She even bent forward and placed a very soft kiss on the little boy’s forehead. She was just so lovely that everyone in the room was touched. Then however, the new mother said something that immediately changed Apra’s mood: ‘So you will stay here and your mother and uncle can leave.’
There is no way to describe how bad Ramona felt at this very moment. All the love and gentle feelings, the amazement that Apra had for this new life, for this tiny boy, were gone. She was not interested anymore at all. Instead, she grabbed Ramona’s hand and said ‘Let’s go.’ Her eyes searched for her uncle, who had taken a phone call in front of the door. Another tease by the new mother: ‘Your uncle has already left. He took the car – now you have to stay here!’
It did not matter how much Ramona tried to explain her that the car was still there and so was her uncle, that they could also walk home or take a rickshaw and that she would never, ever leave her, Apra wanted to leave. Not one look for the baby anymore, just one thought: let’s go home.
Now think of the impression that you gave this two-year-old! You don’t let her marvel about the miracle of life, don’t let her enjoy something so precious but instead try to make her afraid by saying lies. Yes, it was a lie and this child will learn this, once she is a bit older. Apra will learn that whatever you say is just for teasing her, wrong and false. Now however she felt you want to keep her against her will, take her away from her mother and uncle. This is what you wanted – but what is funny about this? Why would she want to stay with you in your hospital room when you say such things?
Once out of the room, away from this woman, Apra was fine again. She left her mother’s lap and even played in the garden of the hospital for a while. But in our hearts there was this sting, this feeling of having lost such a beautiful moment. Even now, many days later, I have a heavy heart writing about this experience. Thinking about how my little one must have felt! Why aren’t you sensitive towards a child’s feelings?
If you had not said that, if you had just kept your mouth shut and watched how these two small beings look at each other, our baby could have had a wonderful lasting impression of this first meeting. She would have told us about it with a shine on her face. You ruined this feeling, this experience.
For a tease. For a moment of amusement. Out of a bad habit. And you don’t even realize it.
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