Why certain ancient Traditions don't deserve your Respect

Why certain ancient Traditions don’t deserve your Respect – 13 May 13

Post author:Balendu
Post published:13/05/2013
Post category:Indian culture
Post comments:0 Comments

I have obviously received a lot of responses to my diary entries about arranged marriage. One comment that I have heard in connection with this topic and similar ones is ‘You should respect ancient traditions instead of insulting them.’ My simple answer is no. A bit longer explanation is necessary? Okay, here you go.

A big supporter of arranged marriages gave me an argument: ‘What is love? If you have a dog as a pet and live with him, you will love him, too.’ His argument is thus that it is not necessary to have love before you marry. You just need to live with anybody together long enough and you will love the other one. Excuse me but I cannot respect a tradition that believes that there is no difference in between a pet dog and a wife! This is Indian culture, this is the tradition of our ancestors – they trade women, daughters and wives just like animals. Love is not important, it will come on its own. Maybe.

If it is like this, why do you nowadays even make meetings with the potential bride and groom? If love happens anyway, why do you need to look at the other person’s body? Do you really think that the ancient tradition was like this? In the time of your grandmother the bride and the groom did not see each other before the wedding – such a thought was rejected as an insult to culture and tradition!

Semi-modern parents tell me that they live a modern life while they still respect those traditions. I don’t think so. You seriously tell your children that they are allowed to fall in love but only within your sub-caste! Are you such masters of arrangements that you can even give directions to the love of your children? Do you honestly believe yourself that this can work? You must know that this is an illusion otherwise your next sentence would not be a threat: ‘I cannot accept any partner who is from another caste / another country / another religion!’

If you do this, do you really respect your ‘ancient tradition’? Your seemingly perfect culture does not include falling in love on your own but you know that you cannot stop change and that is why you try to give your children a bit more freedom from the leash of traditions that you keep them on! In reality however you have to see that it is you who is not respecting the tradition as it is – I just go one step further and call a spade a spade!

Your great culture says that falling in love is a crime. You teach your daughters not to talk to male college classmates but expect them to sleep with a complete stranger after their wedding. Isn’t that wrong?

You are doing a business of bodies if you arrange your children’s marriages. You keep your children in an outdated, wrong caste-system if you want them to fall in love within your caste only. You are disrespecting women by taking or giving a dowry and you are disrespecting humans if you go and choose a spouse by looking at the young person’s body. That is all you see in a meeting of half an hour anyway. You won’t reach until the person’s soul, mentality or emotions. And it is thus a deal with bodies, selling a woman into another family. A wedding, normally a happy occasion that should be full of love, becomes a business, an exhibition of wealth.

The male-dominant society of India clings to this tradition because it keeps the power with men, it prevents the caste system from falling apart and it lets men treat women like horses whom you stake and keep in check so that they may never reach their full power.

If you talk about traditions, there are many of them in our country and culture which were wrong and are still wrong. Many have died out already but there are many more, like the dowry, the feasts after a dear person’s death, female feticide and the caste system. Yes, I agree, I don’t respect and I do insult any tradition that does not respect humans and I will always do that. If you don’t like this, I have to tell you that I don’t care.