In the past two days I analyzed two options on how you can answer a question when you know exactly that the questioner won’t be happy about it. Today I will describe my all-time favourite solution:
3rd Possibility: Be honest
This one is definitely the possibility that most people feel uncomfortable even thinking about beforehand but for which I can guarantee you that you will feel great afterwards!
I am generally very straight-forward about my opinion and believe that you need to be clear. If you tell others who you are, they won’t ever be confused about it and you will have less uncomfortable situations in future. If you are not clear enough, people won’t ever know you well and cannot ever predict what your opinion would be.
So even if someone asks me a question of which I know that he would not like my honest answer, I usually give my honest answer anyway. Then the other one can accept it if he likes. If he happens to agree with me, it is nice but if not, it is also fine for me. We all have the right to have our own opinion, so why should we hide it just to please others? We will never be all of the same opinion anyway, so better be honest about it!
The key point about this solution is your presentation. When I am in talk with someone I generally take care to be clear but not impolite. You have to express your opinion and leave no doubt as to what you think. Make sure the other truly understands what you are saying so that this situation doesn’t occur in future anymore. While you are giving the other person something that may not be very easy to accept, you can pack it in a nice wrapper to make it a bit easier.
In order to do this in a nice way, you may have to say a bit more than just one sentence. If someone asks you for philosophical advice for example and you absolutely don’t agree with the other person’s way of life, his religion and his philosophy, you will already know that your honest answer won’t please the other one. Instead of saying ‘I think what you believe in is stupid’, you can start by explaining what you believe in, describing the differences and the reasons for these differences.
You can always add one information in advance: ‘I know that my ideas regarding this are most probably quite different from yours!’ or something along these lines which makes the other one aware from the beginning that he doesn’t need to expect complete approval now! This will soften the blow of your words, make the impact less hard and the effect less negative.
If, in the end, you nevertheless notice that the other one is very unhappy or even miffed with what you said, just let it be. Your questioner also has to learn that different people have different opinions and that it is all well as it is. It may take some time but ultimately people understand.
Being honest is in my opinion the best of all three options.
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