Our dear friend Sylvia commented on one of the last days’ blog entries and mentioned another idea which is widely spread among the people who call themselves spiritual. It is also, like before, an idea which may cause you a headache when you are trying to follow it but which actually should not be followed without some limits or at least some further thought: You are the one that makes yourself happy.
Sylvia explained that while she saw some justification for this statement, she did not think that it was a remedy for every situation to just try and bear anything in the belief it was ‘upon you to manage your happiness’. I agree and would like to elaborate a bit on this.
The thought behind this advice is not wrong. You ARE the one who often has the conscious decision what you would like your mood to be. You are the one who decides how you would like to see things. You can decide whether you would like to approach a person with prejudice or openly. You take the decision whether you let the weather spoil your mood. It is up to you whether a comment of your mother-in-law can make you upset and angry or not.
Nevertheless however I have to agree that there are limits to this rule. It does not mean that you just have to decide to change your mind-set to be happy, no matter how bad the situation is that you are in! On the contrary, if you look at it this way, this can be quite a destructive attitude!
This would mean that you are in an unhealthy relationship for example and your partner constantly abuses you and you feel bad because he does not seem to care about your feelings at all – and instead of changing something, you believe that you are doing something wrong. You feel guilty because you feel bad and not happy. You think you have to get higher on your spiritual path, you are not enlightened enough yet to understand that these are just tests that bring you further. If you just find your happiness within this situation, you think, you will already be one step further.
No, no, no. This is absolutely not what this little sentence is about! I will still not call it wrong but you did not understand correctly what you are supposed to do here in order to make yourself happy! You have to get yourself out of this situation! Accept that it makes you unhappy when someone insults you whom you care about. It is fully right that it does! Accept that you get angry when you have worked for weeks and your colleague gets all the recognition for it! Accept that you have certain needs and get sad when they are not satisfied.
All these emotions are completely alright. They are there and not necessarily ‘negative’. They may indicate that you need a change but that change can mean distancing yourself from abusive people, giving someone a piece of your mind, taking some time just for yourself and more. Don’t force yourself to a fake happiness when you are not happy from inside out. Find the place where you are happy – and accept all those other feelings as well!
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