I have had individual counselling sessions with a lot of people in my life. We talk about problems, issues and important questions of life. Something that I have seen often is how people carry a high resentment against their parents around with them. And I have always told people that this was an unnecessary burden, a load that they wouldn’t need to bear on their shoulders!
It is very common to hear people say they would never treat their children the way their parents treated them. If you ask them, they can tell you several examples of behavior of their parents that they will avoid when being with their children because they think it was wrong and has harmed them or caused some kind of lasting damage.
Yes, some are less clear and others more when they tell how their complexes, fears and insecurities of today go back to the way their parents treated them. That it is practically their parents’ fault that they are not successful in their job or in their love life, emotionally unstable, unable to love or afraid of being loved.
Yes, of course, your childhood and their education has formed the person that you are today – but what about the years after you have left your parents’ home? Or the years after you have actually reached adulthood, have taken responsibility of your own life and taken decisions yourself?
You are an adult person! You are responsible for your own life!
Long-time conditioning has an effect but it can be changed as well! You obviously have already realized the problem and the base of it as well – now you can make a change! Who is the one taking decisions in your life today? You!
If you have a job in a field you don’t really like because it was what your parents thought would be the most secure or safe option but you actually hate it, make a change! Take evening classes for another field, cut down on hours to take another training, start working part-time in another field,… there are always so many possibilities to make a change in a direction that can make you happy!
You are the one who can make yourself happy! You cannot keep on blaming your parents for who you are your whole life long! At some point in puberty, you have started taking parts of your life into your own hands and this process should have continued until you, as an adult, take full responsibility yourself! If you still complain that you are not happy because of the actions of your parents, you are trying to leave a part of this responsibility with them! Do you really think this is a good idea?
Make a change and take your happiness into your own hands!
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