In the last week – because of the news of Prakashananda – I once again wrote about fake gurus and their sexual behavior which is often abusive. There are many gurus who have faced such charges, just like Nithyananda and not rarely this kind of incident comes to light because there are several women involved. There are however also a lot of big gurus who are more steady and actually have one woman by their side who is like a girlfriend or wife. This woman however is never recognized as a partner.
Usually each guru has a group of close disciples who are always with him. They are higher in their ‘hierarchy’ and have more responsibilities and rights. And on top of them all is often a woman. She has the right to come to the guru’s bedroom each night. They are always together, in public she sits by his feet and she is the one to bring the guru the most important things that he needs.
Everybody sees that. Everybody knows that the guru is sleeping with her, shares meals with her and lives with her. But she will never be called his wife. She will never be called his girlfriend. He will never accept her in this role in public and none of his disciples would like to hear this.
What would happen if these gurus accepted their women in their lives? Why don’t they? Well, they would not be able anymore to call themselves Sanyasi. They would lose their guru status because that is based on the assumption that they are celibate, that they have no bodily needs and basically, clearly speaking, that they don’t have sex. So their special status would vanish and along with it many disciples.
I want to ask these gurus, why don’t you accept this woman openly in your life? You are not doing anything wrong! You are not having sex parties, raping women, molesting children and teenagers or abusing anyone, you are only having a relationship! If you hide this relationship, then you are doing something wrong. You are not honest!
In reality however all those disciples know about those women! What about you, the disciples? You give your guru the status that he has although you know exactly that he does what you believe is wrong. If you anyway know that he has a girlfriend or wife, why would you be angry if he accepted her? You keep on calling her a close disciple and not girlfriend or wife although they are intimate with each other and sleep with each other. Are you not a hypocrite yourself?
I actually pity that woman who is always hidden and never accepted as who she really is! I also see Indian Swamis and Gurus who have found their partner for life in the west. They have a white woman always by their side, their ‘very close disciple’. When I see this, I wonder very much. You, a woman from the west accept this role? Indian women should not hide their relationship either, but I know that they grew up in this culture. You however grew up in a culture where relationships are open, where you would not hide even merely sexual relationships, so why do you accept this game as it is? Why don’t you stand up and say to your guru-partner ‘Hey, accept it as it is and accept that we have a sexual relation, that we love each other and that we are a couple!’ You are not doing anything wrong, only hiding your relationship is wrong.
I don’t have to name any specific person here because there is a long list and there are many people I know who are in this situation. I have seen this all with my own eyes. Every guru, every follower and anybody who has ever seen this kind of couple will know who I am talking about. They may never tell it but everybody sees it very clearly.
It is funny but at the same time it makes me sad for these people. What kind of dishonest life they must be living, always afraid that someone will speak publicly about their relationship! How horrible this must be for a person’s mental situation? They live in an illusion, not in real life. They know they are together but do they believe everyone else is blind? They must realize that everyone sees it, too. How, I really ask myself, how can they find peace of mind with this knowledge?
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And this is considered a good thing
Great article Swami Ji. I have seen many Gurus and Swamis in this way in your town Vrindavan, Haridwar and Rishikesh. All most in all ashrams there are ‘close female disciples’. Some time they call them secretary or Swamini or Sadhwi or Mata Ji. Everybody knows who they are and what relation they have with their Gurus but no body speak about it.
I hope these Gurus and their unannounced wives and blind followers will read this article and bring some honesty in their life. Thank you Swami Ji
I do not want to name this Guru where I was also one of the close disciple but our head was also a male disciple and there were 2 female disciples who were very close to Guru Ji. And we all knew our Guru is having sex with both of them because no body was allowed to go in if any female disciple is in the room but no body ever speak about it. Now I think how disgusting it was. I am very thankful to come out from this. Its great to read this truth.
I am so happy to read your article, Swami ji, and to see that there is at least one honest ex-Guru who can say this and live his life honestly with his lovely wife (I have never met any of you but I am sure you are a lovely couple).
You wrote today about a question which I had in me for a long time now, ever since I have been to India. I visited many Ashrams in North and South India together with 3 friends and we all noticed the same thing: The Gurus either had one girl who was his favourite but not an official girlfriend or he had several women around him which makes the whole scene look like Hugh Hefner’s Playboy mansion…
Here the two instances which I remember best: We started our tour from South-India and the first Ashram we were at was Sri Kaleshwar’s Ashram, where we noticed the value of being a white woman. He was always keen to touch white women and would let us enter parts of the Ashram where other local people were not allowed to enter. There was even no Indian woman in sight, only white women and the Guru. With us there in those chambers we always found a white woman, a German I believe, who was very close to Kaleshwar. She seemed to be serving him as a wife would do but we had the feeling that she did not approve of us. I felt strange because he obviously had an eye on every white woman who stayed at the Ashram, including me and I did not want to be the object of her jealousy. It just did not fit our idea of an Ashram and we soon moved on, travelling a bit.
In another Ashram in Mysore, maybe a week or two later, we again had a similar experience. The Master of the Ashram, affectionately called Guruji by all, always had two white women close to him. We were very sure they were his bed-mates. Really anybody could see that! We even tried to talk to one of them about this idea of spirituality and their relation but she kept on avoiding the topic. They told that he had been very nice and kind to them, the best master a spiritual seeker could imagine, and they got everything they needed. In short, they were very happy there and also in their roles in the whole play.
A strange way of spirituality that really made me feel uncomfortable in both Ashrams!
I don’t understand why always Gurus and Swamis are so lusty and looking for girls? I am sure they are having more sex and sexul relations than any married man! I guess they want to have different girls then having only one. Someone should take action against them but the problem is women also do this, it happens with their consent and they are looking for their own benefits and have no self respect. When it comes to exposing the guru, then they pretend they have been used and misguided or misled but in reality they all are well aware of everything that happens with them. Even if they are 14 or 15 year old teenagers they know what is sex and sexual feelings and what is groping and kissing, touching. If it happened to them anywhere outside, they would know it and if someone on the street would do the same thing to them, they would shout and scream.
In Rishikesh I had a similar experience to Cath. I was travelling on my own in India, mainly in the North and my experience took place in Haridwar and Rishikesh. Anyway, the Ashrams there are like hotels. You get different options, have different prices for different room standards and the only difference is that there is a temple and a master. One Ashram, I remember, had a master who was right away presented with a very young white girl that I thought must be his girlfriend. I actually decided to stay in Rishikesh at the Parmarth Niketan Ashram which had been recommended to me before. It is a really big ashram and it seemed a safe atmosphere for a single woman in India. The master of that place was called Swamiji and after a few days there and watching him, I decided that he was really a big drama actor. He led evening fire ceremonies and every day he only went when he had children lined up in rows, singing welcoming songs and showering him with flowers. They all touched his feet when he walked by. It just looked so artificial and as if he wanted to remind everyone of his position as a master.And then I met this beautiful American lady called Sadhvi. She had some more names but I don’t remember them. She seemed like a sub-Guru to the master who was in charge or rich visitors. As I was not one of those, I only saw her briefly a few times together with the master. In those times however it seemed that she is more than only a disciple. I became friends with one of the workers at the Ashram and when I directly asked him he told me that she was the master’s lover and woman of his life. They all knew it there but he hesitated to even tell me because of the risk of being fired if someone found out. He did not like her however and so he told me they slept with each other and in that ‘private time’, nobody was allowed to enter the room.
When I read your lines today I remembered that I had the same thoughts. Why? Why do they do this? It is just so fake. I did not stay much longer because I felt strange in this place where VIPs are people who have much money and who then receive a special treatment by this master and his wife or lover. It looked like prostitution how she was sent off to take special care of the important guests who had arrived then. I went to stay in a hotel on the other side of the river and found out that the whole town talked about their relationship, not only their ashram. Everybody keeps quiet because they are big people of the town, so I can imagine you don’t want to say their names either because of this. I think however it is not hidden because such a relation will show to everybody. Why do they hide then? sex and love is not a sin and if you are enjoying it then do enjoy it openly……
Seems like some of these western women get carried away into this idea of being “a chosen one” by the spiritual master, and keeping it secret adds to the adventure and drama and the feeling of urgency….like a mistress, being the preferred women with special rules and advantages. Like going out with someone powerful or a rock star…then they put up with a lot…People should obviously be in relationships with whomever they want to, but it’s a shame they have to hide their love, if that’s what it is, and bring this fake way of being into an ashram or spiritual living and teaching…..pretending to be something else….
Honestly, I have never thought of the same. And I really don’t know what to say here. But anyways, these things are very shocking and at the same time, very shameful. I can make out the same from what happened to Nithyananda and many other related gurus..!
I know there are some very well respected gurus who were married. In cases where celibacy is considered necessary to be a guru, I suppose this rule was established by the guru who founded that guru lineage. In some cases, the founding guru insists that true gurus of that lineage must be celibate, so gurus who follow in that lineage feel they must at least pretend to be celibate too. So that’s where the dishonesty can start. If the founder of the guru lineage said it’s OK to be married, then the gurus who follow them I suppose could be married, and there would be no problem with that.
Dear Kate, Thank you for your comment. It’s a very important point that you made. It’s true and I know it happens in this way. I have seen many Gurus who give different women in different places this feeling of being the ‘Chosen One’. But why do these women accept to live with dishonesty and cannot even tell in what way they love their Guru/Lover? I just want to raise this issue and want to appeal to those women to come and raise your voice and get what you deserve. I love to read your comments on my other blog entries too. Love
Yes dear Aswani, It is very shameful. I hope they should live honest life.
Dear Deniz, Thank you for your comment. You are absolutely right. Swami Ramkrishna Paramhamsa, the Guru of Swami Vivekananda, was married to Sharada Devi. And there is a very long list of Rishis and Gurus who had wives. And Ram, Krishna and Shiva were also married. My point is here that they should live with honesty and not be hypocrites.
Isn’t it some kind as “rule” in your spiritual culture in India? cos as i know people in Latvia, who fallow Vedas, they are doing the same, and it is in Their MINDS that it is NOT ALLOWED to have relationships with woman, if you are Guru… i don’t know very well the “rules” of Vedas…but i see it as FORBIDDEN thing from the BOOK… if you want to stay in the role…i think all this has to change with new times…
you have changed the IMAGE of Gurus a lot with your existence and life style and your thinking and your way of seeing things and doing things…and so on :))) you have broke the IMAGE already…. this is how i see it 🙂
Isn’t it would be amazing time if people won’t need to reed books of God and get to know God from Books with rules and all….and wouldn’t have so many religions and philosophies and sciences of God and understanding of God and Universe and how it all is connected- you, me, she, him, they , we all and everything and divine in all and everything..and love as eternal essence of everything… spiritually wise people , who haven’t lost knowledge of everything as it is … ahhhhh…..would it be amazing :)))))))
Kudos for being fortwright Swami ji.
I don’t think that Guru’s are restricted to have a wife or family.it depends how a guru or a sanyasi projects himself in the society.People always want to see ideal conditions not only in a spiritual guru,but in every guru.If some one is a guru he must have high moral values and must be different from ordinary people.People and his disciples want to see him that way.Any deviation from his established moral values will not only tarnish his image and recognition but of all gurus.As far as Sanyasi is concerned He is supposed to be away from all worldly matters. Sanyasa is a stage of life considered as the topmost and final stage of the ashram systems and is traditionally taken by men at or beyond the age of fifty years. Even there are younger ones who wish to dedicate their entire life towards spiritual pursuits. In this phase of life,the person develops VAIRAGYA, or a state of dispassion and detachment from material life. Sanyasa means “renunciation”, “abandonment”. A Sanyasi renounces all worldly thoughts and desires, and spends the rest of his life in spiritual contemplation.Within the Bhagavad Gita, sannyasa is described by Krishna as “The giving up of activities that are based on material desire and giving up the results of all activities”.
Dear Inese,As in some other religions and traditions the concept of celibacy exists also in Hinduism. In my opinion this is the most unnatural concept on earth. You are right, we do not need books to know God. He is in our heart, not separ…ate from us.
We love God. Why do you need to know the one you love and the one who loves you through books? You need to feel God, not learn about God. We do not need religions and traditions and complicated philosophies to love God. God is not Hindu, Muslim or Christian and he does not come from any tradition and he is not exactly how he is described in any scripture, that is only imagination of human. These scriptures are all man-made. God is beyond this all. God is the Love which lives in our heart.
They are trying to hang on to all kinds of power…..celibacy and hypocritical (fake) celibacy helps to build monastic communities that want to acquire wealth and property, families and relations are seen as a hinderance to this. these kinds of communities need to fit into the larger world , not hate it.
Dear Tiwari Ji,Thank you for your comment. That’s how a Sanyasi should be, just how you described it. But in our country you can see many multimillionaire Sanyasis who live a most luxurious life style and on top of that are hypocrites. They are corporate and politicians and very busy in making money. We should ask them when do they really get time for God? Actually their God is only Money and Power.
Dear Peggy,It is true, all those communities – sects, gurus’ followers – often encourage people to even cut ties to family, so if they started one of their own, it would be even more fake! and wealth is anyway their aim!
0E….Once a person call himself a “sanyaasi”, then according to Hindu scriptures and teachings, he should not have any greed to collect wealth and should not enjoy the luxuries…. but now a days it seems that if u want to enjoy such desired… luxuries, then just become a GURU… let it be true Guru or Guru Ghantaal…!!! … i don’t know a single guru in this time who is able to preach religious teachings, but all are ghantaal and just know how to be in public attention.. be it Ramdev, Nithyananda (Kamaanand!!), AsaRaam or else many like them….. if gurus are like such sex addicts then what about the followers…??? Guru ghantaal to chela maha-ghantaal…. The problem is that, in Hinduism, adultery is to be believed as a right and not been seen as a sin! … i don’t find any religious scripture in Hinduism criticizing adultery… people do inspire to to such things from the chapter of Droupadi from mahabharata… people do admire it… this is really shameful! … plz correct me if i am wrong!
0E1-it is mental handicap to require some holy book to distinguish right from wrong……2-even if one refers it ,several different meanings come out of it…..3-every sadhu /mulla/monk has different interpretation …..and often wrong…..and often used for doing injustice to someone ………..4- Hindu religion does not have code of conduct rulebook but Muslim religion has got one but there situation is worse if u can see it……….
Example….the above note is not about “sex addiction” or adultery or peoples inspiration to commit it or “sin” ……. but your fickle mind interpreted to be so
For me the note is against hypocrisy and injustice to your partner,,,and about accepting sex to be natural and not attaching morality to it
0E…….saw the difference between your and my interpretation?……this is what happens to religious books tooo………
Dear Hamza,For me religion is not important and I do not care what is written in scriptures. My point is to live with honesty and give respect. Who could oppose this? It’s not about religion, it’s about humanity and about not being hypocrite. Thank you for your comment.
Dear Avinash, Thank you for your comment. I like all your 4 points above. You got the point and my issue what I am talking about. Thanks for your support. And it’s true, that’s what happens to religious books. Love
I was surprised by Hamza’s comments and that’s what prompted me to write down…Firstly, no scriptures point out guidelines of being a Sadhu and moreover, in Hinduism things have been always evolving…it is for this reason that Hinduism is considered a “way of living” than religion….Swami Balendu ji is correct in pointing out that it is righteousness in life and the road leading to it, which is more important than a religion because religion is taken care of, we lead a life of righteousness, that’s what religion is meant for…that’s what religion’s basic objective is.Besides that….Hamzaji should read Hindu scriptures bit more carefully….Brahma establishing relation with Saraswati, his daughter is probably first incest quoted in scriptures. Please read “Yog Vashishtha”. Your eyes will be opened to what all Brahmans could do…:) There is much more that could be quoted but idea of writing here all this is, religion, thoughts, philosophies are meant for evolving of humanity and not get rotten being static…that’s why, Character of Ram differs in many ways to Krishna, because “time and space” had other demands….these are not religious but more philosophical discourses and need not be taken at face value but looked at as indicative to the path of righteousness…
No religious leader is beyond law of the land..