It is now already old news that Pope Benedict XVI resigned from his job as the head of the Catholic Church. With 85 he decided that he does no longer want to be the leader of one of the biggest religious institutions of the world. While all articles that I saw concentrated on the question what would happen to the post of the Pope after this sudden resignation, I had a very different question in mind: what would happen with the retired Pope? I would have some suggestions for him…
The boring Option: Become a Monk
A very plain and thus also boring idea is that he could go and do what people normally do after retiring – relax at home and work in the garden. Be a normal monk again and get your mind free of all the responsibilities you had as a Pope. You won’t need to wear your business costume anymore either. But: you will have to give back the company car, too! Unfortunately this is what is most likely going to happen – he will just retire from public life in order to peacefully and boringly eat, pray and love until the end of his life.
The modern Option: Become an Internet Guru
Maybe I can convince the current pontiff of this retirement plan. It would certainly be more diversified and more interesting for him and the rest of the world. Benedict has already started taking interest in modern media – he joined twitter and has already more than one-and-a-half million followers. He tweets, people respond and retweet – there is potential for more social networking once he has more time for it and I am sure he would be successful! Who would be able to give better tips than him, the former leader of a world religion, having witnessed intrigues and power plays, controversies and the influence of the media, old traditions clashing with new ways?
The other Faith Option: Become a Hindu Guru
If the role as an Internet Guru does not appeal to him, I would have another idea with much more practical involvement! He could convert to Hinduism! It is in fashion at the moment – he could ask Julia Roberts for advice on how to. Once converted, I am sure he would be successful in establishing a guru business of his own. He knows all the basics already – the guidelines for behavior of religious leaders are the same in all religions – he would just need to read or listen to a few Hindu scriptures, that’s all. The reason for his resignation is that he doesn’t feel up to the challenges of his post. As a Hindu guru, his disciples will take care of the tasks, so it is less exhausting and better for the health! I would just suggest to skip the bath in the Ganges… maybe the Tiber might be an adequate alternative?
The non-celibate Option: Become a Husband and Father
The last possibility I can think of – and actually my favourite one – is that he could resign not only from his job as a Pope but also from his life as a monk altogether. Why not try something completely different? Many people in retirement want to make experiences they never made before, the last time of your life is to completely enjoy whatever you have not enjoyed until that day.
I think it is obvious: he should find himself a young lady! I am not saying he should become an ex-Pope version of Playboy founder Hugh Hefner, of course, although I think he is still quite handsome for his 85 years and could attract some young women who like the idea of powerful men with a nice amount of pension fund! But if he doesn’t feel that active, I would suggest finding just one woman to marry. As he doesn’t like condoms anyway, the consequences would be a few children and he would have a happy retirement life, surrounded by his children and family. Yes, that is the idea that I like the most.
What do you think?