End a Friendship if it only exhausts you – 26 Sep 13

Friends

You will often find that your friendships are fine as they are, just as I wrote yesterday, even if they don’t look the way that mainstream media presents a good friendship. It can happen however that you realize your friendship is going the wrong way, that your friend is taking advantage of you, for example or another issue that now gives you the doubt whether your friendship can really last any longer. In such cases we are normally reluctant to really end the friendship. If it is hurting yourself however, you may need to realize that it is for the better!

It is not easy to take a decision to end a friendship, especially if there is not any fight or obvious point of breaking apart. Please note that I am always in favour of making a friendship work if it is in any way possible but there is one thing that people tend to forget in order to keep a friendship: a friendship is supposed to be nourishing and strengthening for both sides, not exhausting for you and giving you the feeling that you are being taken advantage of. If you are wondering after every meeting why you feel so bad and if you are giving and giving, while you seem not to get anything back, there is something wrong.

I would always recommend to make at least a try and talk about whatever you are feeling. When the situation comes up in which you are always being taken advantage of, address the issue straight away in a nice manner. If that does not help and the issue persists, don’t try to hang on. You have made an effort to fix it but if it just sucks your energy and powers you out instead of giving you energy, you have to let go.

Letting go is a big challenge! Especially when it is about a long-time friendship, when there are so many memories together and you know each other so well. Once you have taken that decision however, see it through because you have noticed it is not good for you. It may seem like it would hurt much but mostly you will notice that the abusive behavior had already lasted for a long time. You are probably longing for the friends you had in the beginning – not the friend you had in the end. That’s how you will notice that you will feel better without this influence in your life.

When I talk about ending this friendship, I don’t mean that you should start a big argument and make it so big that you two actually do have a fight. That is not necessary! You don’t need to make a big deal out of it – just reduce your time with your friend slowly, spend more time with others or yourself and take some time just for you. Give yourself a treat, do what you really enjoy and just feel a little bit how you are without this company – you will realize that it actually feels good.

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