Approaching a future Friend does not work with Expectations

Yesterday I encouraged people to be more open and talk to others if they would like to make friends and be more social. It is true, it helps very much to open yourself to others but there is one thing that can make people feel uncomfortable around you from the beginning: your expectations.

I already mentioned that aspect shortly in yesterday’s diary entry. Do not expect that everybody whom you will meet from now on will become your best friend. That is an unrealistic expectation. Additionally, people will feel this and they most probably won’t like it.

It is logical because it creates pressure! If someone doesn’t know you well and feels that you are simply eager to become best friends, he will wonder what exactly you want and what you expect of him. Can he fulfill your expectations? But why would he even try? The reaction is understandable – he pulls away from you because he does not want to take pressure from someone he hardly knows!

It is a kind of expectation that also shows people that you want to have them only for your own benefit. You are not really interested in them, in connecting with them but you just want someone, anyone, so that you don’t feel alone. A person can feel that, so you better make sure you would also be giving in this friendship.

Even more than such expectations people can feel expectations on a benefit that you assume you would have from this friendship. You may have experienced that yourself. Someone approaches you and gets in touch but you know he actually is not that much interested on a personal level but rather interested in getting introduced to your acquaintances who could be future customers or business partners for him. Or he is interested in getting a discount at your store.

Maybe some people will understand it best if I give an example from the online world: Someone sends you a friend request on facebook and you accept it. The next time when you check, he sent you a message ‘Hello, thank you for accepting my request. Here is my page, come and like it!’ and the link to his page. If this happens, you exactly know this person had no interest in communicating with you or becoming friends – he was only doing advertisement!

So if you are only looking for your own benefit, you cannot establish a real friendship. Leave your expectations of such kind and let things grow the way they naturally do. Approach another person not with any other intention than being nice and creating a friendly atmosphere. You can talk, you can make a joke, you can show interest in being with the other one but if there is no reaction, don’t push it. There are seven billion people on this earth, this one person does not have to become your best friend right now!