When it is okay to keep a Friendship of Formalities

In the past days I explained that you may have old friends whom you love but with whom you just don’t agree at all. Today I would like to discuss the question whether you should keep doing the usual formalities of society with such friends or not.

You may remember that I once wrote about formalities in between friends. I actually said that it can only be a close friendship when there are no formalities. I still believe in this – you should and you will not be formal with those who are really close to your heart. I have however also made some experiences which make me think that there are cases for which I should not mind such formalities.

When changes take place in your life, your attitude and your mind, there can be people in your life with whom you don’t enjoy the company, as I described yesterday. You have lots of love and feel closeness to this person but you don’t enjoy his or her company and don’t even have any topic to talk about. In that case you need certain rituals, formalities which help you keep the relation alive. You talk on phone once a week, you meet once a month and every interaction is more duty than fun.

You feel that your meetings are a formality and nothing else. There is no charm to meet and talk for hours! Your phone calls have no meaning and there is no value in your talk. It is about nothing that is important about you, nothing that really moves you. It is not fun to talk either, you don’t love those moments, want to get off the phone or out of your friend’s home as quickly as possible. It is only an empty ritual with a more or less scheduled timeframe. This is something that I have seen a lot in family relations in the west.

What should you do? You want to keep the relation to this person but you don’t enjoy the time you spend with him! Maybe we should develop our consciousness to a level in which we don’t mind following such rituals and formalities because we know they are just there to keep a basic level of a relation to the other person!

We cannot force love. If you try forcing a closer relationship, you will create bitterness and will lose the love that you actually wanted to create! So just go with the rituals and accept the fact that you are not very close at the moment. Don’t mind however, if one of you doesn’t call once or doesn’t have time to visit!

To all of my friends whom I love but who are so different that I cannot at the moment be very close with you: I enjoy the closeness to you in my heart but I don’t enjoy you sitting next to me. I love you in my imagination where you are a more loveable person. Maybe it is life in a wanted illusion. Maybe my mind is living in old times when our thoughts still matched. I value the old time and the memories I have in my heart, even if I don’t appreciate the current situation. I am sure you feel the same. That is why I will stick with the rituals and formalities that we have established – and if some day you or I will change, our relation can change again! But even if not, it is also fine just as it is. We can go on with life with this love for each other in our hearts.