What to do when two of your Friends have a Fight? – 24 Sep 13

Friends

Yesterday I started writing about friends and mentioned how wonderful it is that you can have friends who give you the same supportive system as a family could do. There are however situations with friends that can get quite complicated. When two of your best friends suddenly have a fight for example and you are standing in between. What are you supposed to do?

I guess it happens in every person’s life at some point that two people who are close to you have a difference of opinion and get into an argument. Or one of them does something that disappoints or hurts the other one. In any case, you are not directly involved in the problem and thus standing in between these people who all of a sudden don’t want to have anything to do with each other anymore while still remaining friends with you. You feel torn – should you make an effort to mediate and reach a reconciliation? Should you take sides and thus risk losing one of them? Is it possible at all to stay neutral?

Staying neutral may seem to be the nicest option to you because you really actually had nothing to do with their argument and don’t want to be drawn into it either. You just want to be friends with both of them. Sounds nice but can be very difficult to achieve!

What will you do with activities at which usually both of your friends took part? Do you go to the cinema with only one of them for example, making sure that you go to see another movie with the other one soon after? With whom do you stand one events at which both are present? Do you try splitting your time equally, feeling awkward each time you change sides? And what about a celebration at your own home? Do you invite both of them? Yes and you probably expect them to behave as adults should and be kind to each other or at least ignore each other – but won’t that make a huge difference to the atmosphere? Won’t it just be uncomfortable for everyone around?

Apart from your own feelings, there are two further person’s emotions to be considered. Does any of the two expect you to take his side and cut ties with the other one? Will one – or maybe even both – of them feel like you betrayed your friendship if you don’t react in his favour?

There are a whole lot of questions on the mind in such a situation. I believe there is no ‘right’ way to treat this problem and one cannot say that you should stay neutral or take sides. It depends so much on the individual situation that nobody has the authority to give you a general advice on this subject. I would recommend one thing however: find out what your feelings are. You know about the reason for their argument – did any of them really do something inacceptable or was that something that happened from both sides? Do you feel anyway closer to one of them and would rather lose the other one than disturb your relation to your better friend? Do you think you could mediate and it would help or would it make things worse?

These all are questions that nobody else can answer for you. I gave you a few ideas to think about – in the end, you are in this situation and have to decide. Just remember one thing: whatever you do, stay true to your feelings and act accordingly. Then you will never have to regret your actions in future.

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