I yesterday mentioned something that seems to have enraged the feelings of some of my feminist readers. I assure you, dear ladies, that the words that you read were not meant the way you understood them. I am indeed in favour of independent women and don’t think you can only ‘get a guy’ if you are needy.
This question actually came from a sentence I wrote: “As long as you are showing the world that you are the tough single woman who faces life on her own and loves her independence, there may be few men who would dare making an offer.”
A few of my female readers obviously felt offended by this sentence, interpreting it as a statement asking women to be needy, dependent and unable to face this tough world on her own! Or that you can only get a man who loves you if you are like that. Ladies, please don’t get me wrong, that is really not what I meant and I thought the next sentence made it a bit clearer: “You don’t seem as though you would want them in your life!”
So, again, a bit more in detail: please be independent and tough! You can face this world on your own and you definitely don’t need a man for this. I don’t think that all men actually want to have child-like beings that they have to take care of in every way. No, I believe it is attractive in a woman if she can stand her ground and I am surely not the only man thinking this way!
At the same time however, a lot of these women actually simultaneously send a signal to men that keeps them away. They are practically telling them to back off by their actions, behavior, gestures and even words! Maybe inside yourself you think every man wants to have a needy woman and that’s why you defend your independence! You assume that a man would attack you for this and so you prevent any such action from their side by showing them they should better not approach you at all.
That is what I meant with my sentence. You don’t need to pretend to be needy to get a man. However you may want to consider not scaring them away. You can show that you are open for getting close to someone. You can show that you would be ready to go further if the right one comes – a man that respects your independence.