Sometimes I do not understand the definition of relation and love here in the western culture. I do not understand how family members, who claim that they love each other and are well-wishers for each other, can feel jealous among each other. When the daughter says: ‘My mother is jealous that I have a boyfriend.’ or the sister says ‘My sister is jealous that I have a working and loving relationship.’ I do not understand it. It is not only that they are saying this, it is reflecting in their behaviour.
For me the question arises: what kind of love do they have? Is it really true love or only a formal drama and showing off? They claim to have love for each other and wish the best for each other but then they do not want the other one to have anything better than they have.
My definition of love is that if your beloved is happy, it should make you happy. A smile should come like by itself on your face when you see your beloved one is happy in his or her relationship. But if it makes you jealous, it is not true that you really wish the other one to be happy. And then it is not true love.
This jealousy comes from ego. ‘I deserve to have this, I should have this! Why don’t I get this but he or she does?’ There is too much ego for true love. If I have something, no matter if it is something material or anything else in my life, I believe that my brothers will not be jealous because they will be happy with me. In love and this family relation there should not be any competition. You are happy in the happiness of your beloved one.
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I think there is a general assumption that a person has love for their family members. Many people who do not love their family members also probably assume that they do. But just because you are born into a family does not mean that you will show them acts of love, it just means that you are in the same area or house, or share relatives. You have to choose to love your family I think.
As you were saying in a different blog, I think jealousy is a natural emotion that humans feel; in my opinion, it is especially common in family members… Simply because they are the first people we learn from in life. As children, we may be jealous of our siblings because of what they have and we don’t (like Suraj and his brothers fighting over their seat at the table). In adulthood, this jealousy still comes up, reminiscent of the past, and must be dealt with. You are right that, in adulthood, family members should learn to understand their jealousy and dissolve it with love for each other. But I do think it’s normal to feel some old jealousy from the past. It’s just a matter of how people learn from it and deal with it.
Whenever I hear about Jealousy in Family or friendship it makes me a little bit sad. Have can someone have such negative thoughts for a person he or she loves? How can you begrudge somebody the very air he breathes? Shouldn’t we try to share the happiness?