Learning to Say No – 7 Jun 09

Emotions

Yesterday I was writing about expressing feelings. I said that because of the system people are not able to appreciate something right away. I hear about another issue here very often. People say to me ‘I have to learn to say no’. Of course this also has to do with your ability to express. If you don’t want to do something, why can’t you say no? You want to be formal and polite but this creates problems for you and you will not enjoy it later. This can bring you into strange situations in which you do things that you did not want to do.

We definitely need to learn to say no and should not have this formal attitude in which we cannot be honest and cannot express what we really want. This shows again that we are living and thinking for others instead of living for ourselves. There would not be any need to learn this if you just could be yourself and could honestly express your feelings. Because then others would also get to know it if you do not like something.

Sometimes it can happen that people don’t know what they really want. Then it is difficult for them to express. There is a lack of sensitivity about your own feelings and you do not know what you want. If you cannot feel yourself, you don’t know what you want and you will not be able to say no. I would like to say that you have to become more sensitive for your feelings, then you will know more clearly what you want. Don’t ignore your feelings. That will make it easier for you to say no if you don’t want something.

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  1. Brian

    I have a problem with being aware of my own needs, though i am very sensitive to what is going on around as far as assessing situations outside of myself, but i often do not even realize when I feel too hot or too cold, or know what foods i like to eat, or am aware of when I need to sleep.Very curious about the second Chakra.

  2. Charity

    You know how I have finally learned to say no? I went to India. That’s how. I had to learn about a hundred different ways to say know everyday. I actually feel much better now. haha, thanks India.

  3. James

    It’s important to learn to say no. I have always said no, in fact my mom says it was the first word I learned.

  4. Emily

    I think you made a good point that saying “no” at the appropriate time requires knowing what you truly want!
    There are often shades of gray in life where someone asks you for a favor, and it feels like you could go either way. You don’t really want to go out of your way, but you would feel bad if you didn’t help. Rather than giving a quick answer, it would be good to ponder this situation further. Is it so much effort that you would actually regret doing it later? If not, then say YES. Or, are you so concerned about what your friend thinks that you would regret not helping then? If not, then say NO.

    Somehow we must reach this depth within ourselves where we can know what is truly best for us in every instance. Then we will stop going against what is real and true.

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