Experiencing Fear and other Emotions – 26 May 08


One of my friends from here in Germany mailed me his experience and without revealing his name I would like to put it in my diary because it could be inspiring for others, too.

‘I am writing this all down because I would like to share my experience with someone and I also would like to make clear how much Swami Ji inspired me on my way to becoming a genuine person.

My dear friend, yesterday I decided to use my free evening to go to an old hut in the forest. You know me and my need for silence and solitude. So I packed my backpack and walked to the hut in the forest. When I arrived there I had the idea to make a small German ‘fire-pooja’ in front of the hut. While singing Mantras I collected woods and made the fireplace and felt great inner peace. In that moment there was no thought that I had to copy an Indian ritual now, but the ritual came from my heart. I had the idea that in this way the fire of love could be lit from the outside as well. I did everything very carefully which surprised me. I could sense my forefathers, the Celts, and I asked them ,too, for their blessings.

Fully lost in my singing I heard steps. However I did not have the impulse to look up to see who it was and full of trust I continued my small ritual. Then they were there – two German rangers, dressed in green with the rifles on the shoulders. They stood there, astonished, looking at someone sitting in front of a fire with crossed legs reciting strange songs in the middle of the night. After the first surprise they said that it was illegal to light a high fire at this place. After that they asked me in a strict German tone of voice What are you doing there? For the first time in my life I did not blush or stammer in the attempt to find an answer but I said simply and spontaneously: “This is my way of praying” And I promised to keep the fire low.

At that moment I was so thankful to have an Indian Yogi friend who has become a shining example and a guide through his lightness and naturalness. For the first time I could publicly stand by my kind of prayer. And apparently it was very convincing how I said it because both rangers left without any further comment. I continued my fire ceremony in the pitch-dark forest.

Suddenly I felt fear of abandonment inside me, pictures from my childhood. Then I remembered your words my friend: In situations of anger, sadness or fear, write your situation on toilet paper and flush it away. Well, I had neither toilet paper nor toilet! So I wrote my fear on a piece of paper in my notebook and threw it into the fire. Slowly and bit by bit I watched the letters burn in the fire together with my fear. Thereby I recited the Mahamrityunjaya Mantra which helped me very much to let go this fear. In the further course of my ceremony more fears appeared, being alone in the forest. The fear to be attacked, to get crazy, to die, fear of other people, fear of conflicts… Each time when a new fear appeared I wrote it down and burnt it in the fire. And each time when a piece of paper burnt in the fire my heart got a bit lighter.

Swami Ji, I am just thankful that you have come into my life. I thank God, Shiva, Allah, Ram, the Eternal one who has so many names, that he makes my heart more and more free.’

6 Replies to “Experiencing Fear and other Emotions – 26 May 08”

  1. I do not like to be afraid. I am not yet comfortable with accepting that emotion. I can accept sadness. But fear and anger are hard for me.

  2. I love this story and the lessons behind it. When he spoke from his heart, “This is my way of praying,” no one could deny the power and sincerity of his spirit! I also like the idea of writing your fears (or anything you want to let go of) on toilet paper and flushing it down! How hilarious, but also symbolic and powerful. Burning it is a good idea too. Sometimes the mind needs really clear demonstrations of completely letting something go. I am going to try the toilet paper thing! 😀

  3. I think we all have to remember that most of our problems in life are created by the mind. If we are able to control our mind a little more then we can refrain from having problems grow to such an extent in life. Loving the blog, thoroughly enjoyed reading it. I’m happy for your friend too.