Yesterday a woman came to me with a situation in which she was suffering. Maybe you read about that in yesterday's diary. Today a man came whose problem seemed to be just the other way round. And I find it important to show this side, too.
He told me that he had left his girlfriend last August. There was not really an appropriate reason for leaving her and he had just said her that it 'did not seem right anymore'. She cried, asked him for a real reason and wanted to talk about it but he was blocking all attempts from her side. He even told her not to contact him anymore. Now he sits there and feels guilty as though he had cheated her. He cannot find peace inside himself and suffers from this feeling of guilt. He said: "I said her so many times: please never leave me! And then I left her. I was begging her to always stay with me and then I did to her what I was so afraid of that she would do to me. Now I do not know how I can face her, how I can go and beg her pardon. I don't even know how I can call her and talk to her after I said I did not want to talk about anything. I want to say sorry for all this but I can't."
Since he has stopped her from contacting him he thought about her a lot and missed her much. At the same time when he thinks of her it feels like carrying a stone in the heart and he said he cannot find peace if she can't forgive him. He said: "I feel horrible for hurting her in this way. I don't know what feelings she has for me now. Maybe she hates me because I gave her this pain."
I gave him healing and after that I said to him: You did this and you feel guilty. This means you realize your mistake, you see that you did something wrong. This is the first step, you are facing the reality. Okay, maybe in that time your mind and your energy was confused but you realized later that what you did in this energy was not good. It is the first step to get healed. Maybe she really feels that much hurt that she would not even like to see you but you are feeling this guilt like a stone in the heart. You need to get relief from that.
So I will suggest you to go to her in person, not on phone, and beg her pardon. This will give you relieve. You want to say sorry but your ego keeps you from doing it. You think it makes you small if you beg somebody's pardon but it does not. Overcome your ego and apologize for what you did. Do not expect anything from it and least of all that she would like to be together with you again. Go there without expectations. I believe you when you say that she loved you very much and this is why I believe that she will forgive you. Love never finishes and there is much forgiveness in love. But even if not, you will have peace in the heart.
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How to deal with Jealousy – 24 Feb 12
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it’s true, love never does finish. Sometimes people break up with each other or divorce and you hear them say ” am just trying to get over her/him” but truthfully, if they ever actually loved each other there will be no complete getting over, it will just hurt less with time.
Guilt is a terrible emotion. Almost as bad as shame. On my list of no-no’s.
My father wasn’t very nice to the kids in our family growing up. My mom carried around guilt for it for so long. I think she still does. i hope she finds peace.
I think it is selfish to ask for forgiveness! he is not thinking of her he just wants her to make him feel better about leaving for now good reason. Which is essentially just him trying to take more from her.
Oh man, I really feel for this guy. It’s not like he was trying to hurt her, maybe he just wished they could both thrive in their lives and knew they couldn’t thrive together. it is probably because he cares that he allowed himself to become so scared that he stopped communication. and she is hurting, he should go to her and afford her some peace by letting her know that he is hurting too. If they could both be open about it… approach each other without fear… well, I just hope they got some peace in the end,
I feel so bad for this dude, but he really needs to talk to her.
I always wonder, if there weren’t terms like “boy friend” or “girl friend” would it hurt so much when separated? would the separation even feel like a separation or would it just be movement? If you didn’t have the title and the role to fill you could come in and out of each other’s lives without having to and or begin anything. and it would just be movement.
Relationships can be so tough sometimes. I understand his guilt, and I think he should search inside himself for the reasons why he left her… there had to be something, even if it had nothing to do with her. I think he definitely deserves forgiveness, especially from himself. All he can do is apologize in order to get it off of his chest…but he can’t expect anything in return. But it will help him relieve his guilt at least.
Dear Terrance,
I don’t think labels or titles have much of anything to do with it. If you shared amazing times with someone, it will still be sad to let them go. If you developed love for that person, you will be hurt if they never want to talk to you again…whether it’s your friend, mom, girlfriend, or daughter.
Just my thoughts.
Blessings to you.