I have been writing about relationships and how people often feel the need to own something. I sometimes mention this in lectures as a typical problem: owning and ego. Of course it belongs together, just think one time about it how it makes you feel to say ‘This is mine!’
This behavior depends so much on how you grew up. When children grow up they have this kind of talk with their siblings: this is mine and that is yours. No, mine is smaller. That is not true, yours is bigger. Okay, but yours has a nicer colour, I want to have that. No, I had it first! – Maybe you can imagine what I am talking about. When you go and buy for example a set of soft ball rackets for your children you do not think that this might be the reason for such a discussion.
Then it is the task of the parents to tell the children: You can play together! Take a racket each and after some time you exchange. It belongs to both of you!
Unfortunately I often see that children are nearly trained to own something because their parents show this with their own behavior. They are the example for children to do this still when they grow up. The form of dialogue changes when they get older, telling the other one ‘This is my room.’, then telling others ‘this is my car’ and in the end they say ‘This is my life!’
Related posts
Fighting your Ego – a continuous Struggle with yourself? – 2 Oct 13
What to do when your Ego just got hurt – and you need to react? – 1 Oct 13
Ego – everybody has it, nobody wants it – 30 Sep 13
Ego and Perfectionism – a dangerous Combination – 7 Dec 12
Criticizing and taking Criticism in the Light of Ego – 6 Dec 12
Proud of being the most humble Person – An Egoist displaying his Humbleness – 30 Nov 12
How to Reduce or Increase Your Ego with Vedanta Philosophy – 24 Mar 11
Choosing between Love and Ego – 5 Jul 10
Ego in Relationships – Separating mine and yours – 4 Jul 10
Discussions of the ego are so interesting to me! I read some thoughts on the ego in a book by Eckhart Tolle, he told the story of a woman who was devastated by the loss of a ring and very angry at the thought that someone took it. It is easy to love a thing I suppose. Also easy to love people in that way too, isn’t it?
Tiff: it is interesting, isn’t it, to read about the ego. When i read about the ego I feel like something is finally falling into place in my mind. I am also tempted to feel embarrassed, but that’s just the go calling and when I am reading more and understanding more I don’t have that reaction anymore.
I feel like a toddler when I’m identifying with my ego- always demanding to receive what I think I’m owed. Grrrr.
OMG what a great photo! I love it! It is the perfect photo for this entry. Haha. Keep ’em coming Swami Ji.
I think this is really insightful Swami Ji and not something that people have necessarily thought about before.
Wow that’s a whole lot of people fighting for space inside your head!
Ownership is such a devastating concept to understand.
In America, we have this concept called “only-child syndrome.” It is when a child grows up without siblings and is the only child nurtured by his/her parents. The child never learns how to share because they are given what they need and don’t have siblings to share with. They often grow up with pretty strong and needy egos that are used to getting what they want and deserve! It’s hard for them to break free from this attitude that they’ve grown up with. Of course not all only children have this “syndrome,” but it’s interesting to think about!
This is a really interesting concept and such a hard thing to ‘unlearn’ which means it must be taught differently in as early childhood as possible. At the school where I work in the UK we try to teach the children from 2 years old that the toys belong to the school but they can play with as long as they share with their friends. It is not an easy thing to teach anyone, and hard to be consistent but we try