Death of a loved one - where religious Philosophies fail

Of course after Ammaji’s death I was contemplating ways to deal with grief, back then and also now, looking back on the time one year ago. What can you do for your emotions when a loved person dies and thus leaves your life forever?

For some people, the death of that loved one comes as a shock, for example due to a heart attack, like in Ammaji’s case, or an accident, as my sister passed away in 2006. For other people’s deaths you are as prepared as you can be – the person has been ill for a long time, has already suffered for months or years or is simply very old, an age when death can come any day and any second.

It doesn’t matter whether it is a surprising or an expected end to life, sadness comes along with it and sometimes that grief can be overwhelming. What to do?

If you look at different religions, you can see different approaches for trying to console the grieving ones. Some religions will tell you not to be sad because the one who passed away was a good person full of virtues, so his or her afterlife will be beautiful as well. The deceased has reached heaven until now and is sitting in God’s arms. He or she has joined those family members and friends who left this world earlier. They all are united and happily waiting for you.

Another concept is the one of the body only being a temporary form, like a vehicle that was now deposited of. The soul is not dead, it is still around, there with you, ready to comfort you and help you in your life. Some religions claim that this soul will one day find another body and thus be reborn. So you don’t need to be sad, he or she will join you on earth soon again.

The reality is however that in this situation, you can come with any wise philosophy but the grieving person will just see one thing: this loved person is not there anymore. Such wisdom is always good for another person but once you are yourself in this situation, you know that this all doesn’t help. You imagine what would be if this person had not died, how you would laugh, play, enjoy and be together. Any explanation is only an illusion. My experience is that there is no comfort in the philosophies of religion – and while people know this, they still offer them to grieving ones in an attempt to make a difference.

But it doesn’t. There is just this one fact that needs to be accepted first: this loved person is gone forever. It is irreversible, the one thing you can never change. You just have to accept it. Keep the memories and love in your heart – that will remain with you.