Comparing with other does not increase or reduce your Beauty - 27 Aug 13

Yesterday I mentioned that people get very stressed simply because they constantly compare themselves to others in all regards. The area of life in which especially woman make most comparisons is of course beauty. This kind of comparison however is, in my eyes, the reason why there are so many women with low self-esteem and a bad body-image for themselves.

The main problem is again the comparison with the outside. It is nothing unusual that a woman comes into a room and screens the place for other women. It sounds like cliché but a majority of women will admit – at least to themselves – that they do look at other women’s bodies and faces, comparing their dress, their slimness, level of fitness, hairstyle and even make-up to their own. Depending on the result of their little check, their self-esteem either rises a bit or falls. They feel more beautiful if the woman in front of them is heavier, has an acne problem or a bad hair day. In the same way however, they feel conscious about their weight or whatever they believe is their problem zone, if the woman seems more beautiful to them.

While I am talking about women here, this is not only a problem for the female gender! You might not talk about beauty when men do the same thing but what happens is not different in any way! Men look at other men’s abs, their muscles, their toned biceps and triceps and then of course the air of nonchalance or that confident smile and they feel the exact same thing!

But does beauty only work when you win in comparison to others? Do you really only feel beautiful when you look at another woman and feel that she looks even less like a movie star or supermodel than you do? Do you really think that you are only beautiful if you look like the women whom you see on posters and in TV advertisements?

I understand that there is a certain feel-good factor when you win in a comparison, even if it is just in your own mind and there are no spectators to witness your victory. You should however realize what you are really doing there and reflect a bit what your beauty ideal really is!

The fact is that this beauty ideal is not realistic, as every media channel uses computer programs to ‘optimize’ the looks of their models and actors. You however take this ideal as a goal for how you would like to look and simultaneously measure other people on this ideal as well.

Again, the question is how much you really have to look on the outside in order to define yourself and identify who you are? Do you have to think ‘I am slimmer than Heather, have better skin than Mary and fuller hair than Louise’? Wouldn’t it be enough to just think ‘I am beautiful’?

I cannot stress often enough that beauty is not only on the outside and that everybody’s perception of beauty is different! You have to feel beautiful when you are standing alone in a room, too, when you have nobody to compare to! And you should feel beautiful if you are standing in a crowd full of superstars. You are unique and you are beautiful.

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