Today our little baby girl Apra is 23 months old. We are today thinking of this date, exactly one year ago, when Apra was 11 months old and we spent the last day and evening together with my mother, Ammaji, who then passed away in the night, in the early morning hours of the 10th December 2012.
After Ammaji was gone, we noticed how Apra wanted to go into her room to go to her, to play with her. She could not really talk yet in that time but ‘Amma’ was already clearly audible and much clearer than that were her gestures. She asked where she was – and we told her that she had gone far, far away.
We wanted her to remember and we told her about Ammaji. Of course, when we look at old pictures of Apra, Ammaji is often in the photo and Apra has seen them all. There is a big picture of Ammaji and Apra in Babbaji’s room and when she looks at it longer, she asks ‘Where is Ammaji?’ and even answers herself: far, far away.
When Apra eats, she often takes herbal salt along with her food and when Babbaji asks her who made it, she answer ‘Ammaji’.
Ammaji has knitted a lot of things, among others a big yellow shawl of wool, which we daily wrap Apra into in the mornings. I have told her who made it and that’s how she sometimes now asks herself ‘Who made this shawl?’ and the answer follows straight on ‘Ammaji!’
And when we look through those old pictures, Apra sometimes says ‘Ammaji loved Apra very much!’
Yes, she did. We had the wish that she may remember her grandmother and all of this love she had for her. We told her about it, tried to remind her and even though she was just eleven months old, she does remember that love that she received, it is part of her, of who she is and it will always be.
Ammaji will always be with our little one through this love.
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How lovely to read such beautiful writings and memorys of your Mother. I too have deep wonderful memorys and feelings of her sharing so much kindness and love.
May she rest in peace.
Love to you all.
Ann Doran.